ITT we code in our own fictional languages.


func say($s) { echo $s, "\n"; }
class :open Thing {
    var :pub=r :priv=rw $thing;
    func :pub :pure hai() {
        return func () { say "Hai."; }
    }
    func :priv die() { die(); }
}
class :open Thing {
    func hai() {}
}
class :open String {
    func :pub :uses=$var makeAwesome() {
        $var = "Awesome!"; # Or somesuch.
    }
    func __toInt() {
        return 5;
    }
}
Thing::hai()();
(new String("Hai!") == "Hai")
say "Lol"->makeAwesome(); # "Awesome!"
say "Num" + 5; # "10"

Due to Haskell's lazy evaluation, make_sound only sounds if there's any human listening, just like if a tree falls in the forest, and no one hears it, it doesn't make any sound¹.

¹: Bullshit, though. The Universe is deterministic and objects exist without the need for the disgustingly anthropocentric observative/conscious bullshite; it's just observation what's not perfect, because it runs from within the system.