/prog/'s own esoteric language

Fun idea. Let's make our own programming language.
Conditions:
Must be somewhat useful like ABC.
Not limited to characters only. Can include words.
1 function per post.

I think we should adapt some better coding standards. All commands should be in a standardized format, eg:
*grabs X* for stack manipulation as in
stack.*grabs The Sussman* empties a stack, etc.

Flow operations could be in the format "flow:" and ignore whitespace and case, eg:
flow:i  f e e l  k i n d  o f  b a d  a b o u t  i t  : (

"If" statements could use the OMGCOMMANDS, which are capitalized orders:
if( anus.haxed == true )
   DONTHELPHIM;
anus.hax;


Anyway, just some ideas, but if we want a working interpreter soon we better not have 50 keywords, all with different usage and syntax.