/prog/'s own esoteric language

Fun idea. Let's make our own programming language.
Conditions:
Must be somewhat useful like ABC.
Not limited to characters only. Can include words.
1 function per post.

>>142
I'm tired of telling you /g/tards this shit. It is a parody of e/b/in, which is a parody of epic. Basically, your meme spewing is retarded as fuck and we wish you would write proper prose instead of raping it with your unfunny ``memes''.

I know you come from /g/ because you asked that question.

Look, we don't have anything against you, but just like you wouldn't like a reddit shithead post on your beloved ``desktop/battlestation'' imageboard, we don't want you to post here if you can't resist yourself to use ``memes''. You're welcome here as long as you don't act like a fucking retard.