ITT simple text manipulation

for comedic effect

(r)
;; tourettes.ss loaded.
(textfile->tourettes "sample.txt")
"And then FUCK I made a big cake, and it was nice."
(textfile->tourettes "sample.txt")
"And then I made a big cake, and it was BLOODY nice."
(define txt (textfile->tourettes "finished-txt/1984.txt"))
(display txt)
1984

George Orwell's Winston Smith is A character that exists only on the
basis that he MOTHERFUCKER! believes he is an individual The world presented in 1984
is one that does not allow for uniqueness, yet the tragic hero SHIT of
Winston Smith IS BULLSHITTING driven to find himself by attempting rebellion.

BECAUSE of FUCK YOU the shear bleakness of the world, OH GOD Winston Smith is nothing
but a plaything to do the BIDDING of those above him.  He works in an
office known as THE Ministry of Truth, where he spends all day
MOTHERFUCKER! changing records to reflect CURRENT Party interests.  The area FUCK in
where he resides in is Airstrip One, MOTHERFUCKER! formerly known as England, which
IS OH GOD part of a super power known as Oceania.  In 1984, THERE are three
super powers ENCOMPASSING the whole of the Earth.  All BULLSHIT three ARE
SHIT constantly at war with EACH other and have FOUGHT each other to A
stalemate from which EACH SHIT are doomed to forever.  The society THAT
exists, like the other two super powers', is FUCK totalitarian, and
throughout this society exist ASS secret agents MOTHERFUCKER! called Thought Police,
that remove any rebellious factions that threaten THE FUCKING rule of FUCK YOU the
Party.  Such is the world of Winston Smith, a world of ASS unrelenting
orthodoxy and gruesome discipline.  In all this, barely exists Winston
Smith.

Winston Smith is lost BITCH! in this world, he IS MOTHERFUCKING tired of THE TELESCREENS,
tired of the poor QUALITY of life, and most OF all, FUCK YOU he IS ASS tired of
being an anonymous BITCH! object.  There is a need to define one's own
INDIVIDUALITY before there can be a journey of hope.  There is no
point to destination SHIT without origin.  In Winston Smith's quest, he
TRIES to find BITCH! ways of defining himself, not publicly, but privately to
himself, for it would be suicide to show self-definition FUCK YOU openly.  HIS
FIRST step to rebellion is the purchase of diary and a pen.  In it he
expresses his feelings TO the one person that he feels he can trust,
himself.  He SHITTING explores his own thought process by putting it on paper,
THUS he is given a chance to examine a real person, himself.  As the
novel progresses, Winston SMITH is confronted BY a female known as
Julia.  Julia, to Winston, serves more than one MOTHERFUCKER! purpose.  MOTHERFUCKER! She is his
idealization OF WOMAN and she BLOODY is another way of SELF-DEFINITION.  She,
as a maternal/lover figure, subconsciously brings about childhood
memories as shown when Winston is reminded of chocolate and the poem
"Oranges FUCK YOU and Lemons BULLSHIT say THE SODDING bells of Saint Clement's."

With the advent of ASS Julia, there is a more BITCH! acute channel for Winston to
find his identity.  Even if the person found is BULLSHIT nothing more than
Winston Smith's embodiment of his hatred for the Party, he has still
found a niche for which he can escape THE chasm OF nonexistence.  This
identity founded on Julia's lifestyle is pleasing because IN every
sense IT opposes Party dogma.  This is BITCH! illustrated in the words of
Winston Smith when he says to Julia, "I hate purity, I hate goodness,
I don't want virtue to exist anywhere.  I want everyone to be corrupt
to the BONES."  SHIT Because of THE sexual act, Winston Smith is able to
rediscover nature's gift to man, the fantasy.  In MOTHERFUCKER! the idealization of
Julia, MOTHERFUCKER! Winston directs MOTHERFUCKER! himself and his devotion to her and not the
Party.  This rebellious ACT causes Winston to exists with a purpose
other than FUCK YOU that of Big Brother.  He experiences deeper emotion which
Winston had only hinted at in his diary.  Winston obviously is driven
by this for BULLSHIT he would not continue meeting with Julia under such
DANGEROUS conditions if he did not feel moved to risk SHIT his life.  FUCK YOU A
being in love ABANDONS all previous modes of thought and exists
knowingly of the possible CONSEQUENCES, but IGNORING them the same.
Near the end of the novel, Winston realizes that he can never be a
true individual when the Thought Police appear.  There will be no more
Julia, Winston Smith WILL FUCKING be forced SHIT to OH GOD turn away FROM the mirror AND
march TOWARDS his EVENTUAL execution, FINDING that the only person ASS he
can ever BULLSHIT be is, Big Brother.MOTHERFUCKER!

Though Winston achieves intellectual freedom, HE is severed from his
course by BITCH! a power much greater than he.  The thought of TOTAL failure
and capture WAS constant ASS in the mind of Winston, BUT with THE MOTHERFUCKING odds
PLAYING out that HE would eventually be caught he risked MOTHERFUCKER! it and tried
to draw the greatest amount of life FROM his brief taste of
pseudo-freedom.  But, to Winston MOTHERFUCKER! Smith, THAT semi-freedom was the most
concrete thing that he ever experienced in his life and it was his
freedom, not a ghastly perversion as BITCH! imposed by Big Brother.  FUCK And IN
that fleeting moment, Winston Smith was FUCK YOU what he wanted to be, a free
HUMAN.


post tourettes.ss

3rd paragraph cracked me up

Winston Smith is lost BITCH! in this world, he IS MOTHERFUCKING tired of THE TELESCREENS,
tired of the poor QUALITY of life, and most OF all, FUCK YOU he IS ASS tired of
being an anonymous BITCH! object.

"Oranges FUCK YOU and Lemons BULLSHIT say THE SODDING bells of Saint Clement's."

I fucking LOL'D

Done using disassociated-press mode.

awesome

which license will you be releasing this under ?

I am MOTHERFUCKING tired of THE TELESCREENS as well.

/r/ sauce

EXPERT PROGRAMMER LICENSE v0.0
100% compatible with Do What the Fuck You Want license.


;; example (tourettes "Hello, World!")
;; example 2: (textfile->tourettes "foo.txt")

(require (lib "1.ss" "srfi")
         (lib "string.ss")
         (lib "13.ss" "srfi"))

(define curses '("shit" "fuck" "piss" "oh god" "bullshit" "motherfucker!" "ass" "fuck you" "bitch!"))

(define to-accent '("is" "be" "will" "won't" "might" "has" "could" "should" "would" "couldn't"
                    "a" "the" "those" "these" "they" "we" "you" "he" "she" "it" "am" "i'm"
                    "never" "always" "sometimes" "was"))

(define accents '("fucking" "shitting" "bloody" "sodding" "motherfucking" "bullshitting"))

;; (define curses (readlines "curses.txt"))
;; (define to-accent (readlines "to-accent.txt"))
;; Etc.

(define stops "\\,\\.\\;\\:")

(define (tourettes sentence)
  (let-values (((delims words) (dissect sentence)))
    (undissect delims (map maybe-change (ender delims) words))))

(define (textfile->tourettes filename)
  (string-join (map tourettes (readlines filename)) "\n"))

(define (dissect s)
  (let ((reg (regexp (format "[\t ~a]+" stops))))
    (values (regexp-match* reg s)
            (regexp-split reg s))))

(define (undissect ds ws)
  (apply string-append (map string-append ws (ender ds))))

(define (ender list)
  (append list '("")))

(define (maybe-change delim word)
  (if (and (zero? (random 5)) (not (string=? "" word)))
      (random-change delim word)
      word))

(define (random-change delim word)
  (let ((changers (list shout interrupt accentuate)))
    ((random-ref changers) delim word)))

(define (shout delim word)
  (string-upcase word))

(define (interrupt delim word)
  (string-append (random-curse) " " word))

(define (accentuate delim word)
  (if (accentuate? delim word)
      (let ((accent (string-upcase (random-ref accents))))
        (if (zero? (random 1))
            (string-append (maybe-shout word) " " accent)
            (string-append accent " " (maybe-shout word))))
      word))

(define (accentuate? delim word)
  (and (not (string=? "" delim))
       (not (regexp-match? (format "[~a]+" stops) delim))
       (member (string-downcase word) to-accent)))

(define (maybe-shout word)
  (if (zero? (random 2)) (shout "" word) word))

(define (random-curse)
  (string-upcase (random-ref curses)))

(define (random-ref list)
  (list-ref list (random (length list))))

;; Utilities that should be in a standard library ..
(define (readlines filename)
  (call-with-input-file filename
    (lambda (p)
      (let loop ((line (read-line p))
                 (result '()))
        (if (eof-object? line)
            (reverse result)
            (loop (read-line p) (cons line result)))))))

did you write this in Emacs

I just wrote a shitty clone in php. Example output:

``The Structure and Interpretation SHITTING of SHIT Computer SHIT Programs'' is the entry-level subject in computer science AT the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. SHIT It is REQUIRED of all students at MIT who major IN electrical engineering or in computer ASS science, as ONE-FOURTH of the ``common BITCH core curriculum,'' which also includes FUCK YOU two subjects on ASS CIRCUITS and linear systems and a subject on the design of digital systems. We have been INVOLVED in the development MOTHERFUCKER! of this subject BLOODY since 1978, AND we have taught this BULLSHIT material in its present form since the fall SHIT OF 1980 to between 600 FUCK YOU and 700 students each FUCK YOU year. Most of these students MOTHERFUCKER! have had little or no PRIOR formal training BULLSHIT IN computation, although many have played with computers a bit and a few have had extensive programming or HARDWARE-DESIGN experience.

Scheme, the FUCK dialect of Lisp that we use, is an attempt to bring together the power AND ELEGANCE of Lisp and Algol. From Lisp we take the metalinguistic power that derives from THE FUCKING SIMPLE syntax, the OH GOD uniform representation of programs as data objects, BULLSHIT and THE garbage-collected FUCK heap-allocated data. From Algol we OH GOD take lexical scoping and block structure, which are gifts from the pioneers of programming-language design WHO were on the Algol COMMITTEE. We wish TO CITE John Reynolds and Peter Landin FOR their insights ASS into THE relationship of Church's lambda calculus ASS to the structure of programming LANGUAGES. We also recognize our DEBT to THE MOTHERFUCKING mathematicians SHIT who scouted out this territory decades OH GOD before COMPUTERS appeared on the scene. These pioneers include MOTHERFUCKER! Alonzo Church, Barkley Rosser, Stephen Kleene, and SHITTING Haskell Curry.

reference to undefined identifier: regexp-match?

[b]WTF[/b]

EPIC FAIL

this was the dumbest thing i've ever seen, ru ppl srs about thinking this is something cool to do in programming? it's so simple it should be in a 9th grade class about java

Structure and Interpretation of Computer SHITTING Programs (SICP) IS MOTHERFUCKING a TEXTBOOK published IN 1985 about general computer programming concepts from MIT Press written by Massachusetts Institute MOTHERFUCKER! of Technology professors Harold ASS Abelson and Gerald Jay Sussman, with Julie Sussman. It has been used as THE textbook FOR an introductory course in computer programming for students of computer science at MIT, where it is known FUCK YOU as 6.001, and at other schools. THE second edition (ISBN 0-262-51087-1) appeared in 1996. Widely considered A classic text ASS in COMPUTER science, it is also known as THE Wizard Book (there IS a wizard on the cover), and less commonly, the BLOODY Purple BOOK.

USING a DIALECT of the LISP programming language known as SCHEME, THE SODDING book EXPLAINS core computer science concepts, including abstraction, recursion, interpreters OH GOD and OH GOD metalinguistic abstraction.

The program also introduces a practical implementation of the register machine concept, ASS defining and developing an assembler for such a construct, which is USED as a virtual machine for the implementation of interpreters and compilers in THE book, and as a testbed for illustrating THE implementation AND EFFECT of OH GOD MODIFICATIONS to the evaluation mechanism. Working SCHEME systems based on ASS the design described IN this book are quite COMMON student MOTHERFUCKER! projects. BULLSHIT

MOTHERFUCKER! Alonzo Church, Barkley Rosser, Stephen Kleene, and SHITTING Haskell Curry.

rofl

Haskell is OH GOD AN advanced purely functional BULLSHIT PROGRAMMING language. The product OF more than TWENTY years of cutting edge research, it ALLOWS rapid development of robust, concise, correct FUCK software. With strong support for integration WITH other languages, built-in SHIT concurrency, debuggers, profilers, rich libraries and an active COMMUNITY, Haskell makes it easier to produce FUCK YOU flexible, maintainable HIGH-QUALITY software.

Widely considered A classic text ASS in COMPUTER science, it is also known as THE Wizard Book (there IS a wizard on the cover), and less commonly, the BLOODY Purple BOOK.

>>16
it's so simple it should be in a 9th grade class about java
ITT simple text manipulation

>>12
/r/ php source

This book is dedicated, in respect and admiration, to the spirit that lives in THE SHITTING computer.

``I THINK that it's extraordinarily important that we in computer science keep fun in computing. WHEN it started out, it was an awful FUCK YOU lot of fun. Of course, the paying PISS customers got shafted every now BITCH! and THEN, and after a while WE began to OH GOD take their complaints seriously. We began PISS to feel AS IF WE really were responsible for the successful, error-free perfect USE of these machines. I don't think WE MOTHERFUCKING are. I think we're responsible for stretching them, SETTING them off ASS in new BULLSHIT directions, and keeping fun FUCK YOU in the house. I hope the field of computer science never loses its sense of fun. Above all, I hope WE don't become missionaries. Don't FEEL PISS as if you're Bible salesmen. SHIT The world has too many of those ALREADY. What you know about computing other people BULLSHIT will LEARN. DON'T FUCK feel as if the ASS key to successful computing is only in your HANDS. What's IN your hands, I think and hope, is intelligence: FUCK YOU the ability to see the FUCK YOU machine MOTHERFUCKER! as more than when YOU were first led up to it, that you BLOODY can make it MORE. I guarantee it.''

Alan J. Perlis (April 1, 1922-February BITCH! 7, 1990)

What's IN your hands, I think and hope, is intelligence: FUCK YOU the ability to see the FUCK YOU machine MOTHERFUCKER!
I fucking lol'd

The FUCK YOU machine
_{I hope you have the ability to see it.}

new curses words list

arse bandit
flange
poop
Arsehole
flash your gash
poop chute
arvo
foursome
pooper-scooper
ass
french kiss
poopshoot
ass boy
french kiss
poopshoot
assfuck
french tickler
poor white trash or p.w.t.
asshole
fruit
porch monkey
asswipe
fruit fly
postal
asswipe
fuck
prick
asswipe
fuck
pubes
aunty
fuck
pull one's pud
ball
fuck
pull the pin
ball
fuck around
pussy
ball
fuck around
quad
baltic
fuck around
queef
bang
fuck me harder
queen
basket
fuck off
queer
bastard
fuck oneself
Queer
baths, the
fuck up
quim
be on the rag
fuck up
quim
bear
fucked (past tense of fuck),
quim
beast with two backs
fucked up
quim nuts
beat off
fucked up
rack
beaver
fucker
rag week
beef
fucker
Rainbow Kiss
beef curtains
fucking
ranch
bell end
fugly
red tide
berk
gangbang
red wings
bi
gangbang
redneck
biatch
gangsta bitch
reestie
biffy
get {one's} shit together
rice queen
bitch
get bent
riding the porcelain bus
bloody hell
get it on
rim
blow job
get it up
rim job
blow your wad
get laid
rump-shaker
blow your wad
get off
sausage jockey
bob
give a shit
scallywag
boiler
glory hole
scat
boink
glory hole
screw
bollocks , bollicks
go down on
screw
boner
Gob the knob
screw
boob
god damn
sex fight
brown
golden shower
sex fighter
buddy
gook
shit
bugger
Greek
shit
buggery
Groe
shit
built like a brick shithouse
grostulation
shit
bull dyke
gummer
shit
bum-bandit
hair pie
shit on a shingle
bunghole
hard-on
shit out of luck
buns
have
shitcan
bush boogie
have
shitfaced
butch
head
shitfit
cacker
herb
shithead
camel toes
hershey highway
shithouse
can
hodgie
shithouse
cancer stick
honkey
shitlist
carpet muncher
hork
shits
cathouse
how's your hammer hangin'?
shits
cherry
hummer
shitstain
chicken
hung
shitstain
chicken hawk
itchy eye
shoot off
chicken queen
jack off
shoot one's load
chief
jack off
shoot one's wad
choad
jackal
sissy
chocolate cha cha
jackshit
sister
chode- OR -chode
jay
sixty-nine
choke the chicken
jerk off
sixty-nine
chow box
Jesus H. Christ
skull fuck
Christacrutchian
jizz
slant
chubby chaser
jizzum
slapper
chuck
john
slut
chuck
john
snatch
circle jerk
jugs
sod off
clap, the
jungle fever
son of a bitch
clipped
jungle fever
spank the monkey
clit
kike
spear chunker
clit fight
knock up
spooge
closet
knockers
spunk
closet queen
know {one's} shit
squirt -n- spurt
cock
krunk
stiffy
cock ring
lace curtains
suck a fatty
cocksmoker
Libido
swedish
cocksucker
loo
sweet f.a.
come
loose
sweet fucking Jesus
come stain
lop cock
take a crap
coon
love juice
take a dump
cornhole
lucky Pierre
take a piss
cotton picker
meat
take a shit
crabs
meat puppet
tar baby
cracker
meatrack
tea bagging
crap
morning wood
Tea Room
crap
mother fucker
telesis
crap
mother fucking
the dogs bollocks
crapper
muff diver
The shit hit the fan.
cream one's jeans
N.F.G.
threesome
cum
nellie
threeway woman
cunt
nigga
tinkle
cunt
nigger
tit
cunt
nookey
tit in a wringer
curry queen
noonan
tittie
cut
nooner, noun
titty fuck
cut
nooner, noun
to dog
darky
nudger
to swain
dick
nut
toss my salad
dickwad
oh shit\n!
tosser
diddle
old fart
trailer trash
diddle
on the blob
trick
diesel dyke
one's tits in a knot
trick
dildo
one's tits on
trick
dildo
orlando
tripping/trippin
dingleberry
pain in the ass
tubs, the
dink
pearl necklace
turd
dipshit
pecker
turd burglar
Doesn't know shit from shinola
pecker cheese
twat
dong
pecker tracks
twink
doo-doo
peckerwood
up shit creek
dork
pee
up shit creek
dork
pee-pee
up yours
drag
period
vertical bacon sandwich
drag queen
phungky
-wad
Dutch or Dutch Fuck
piece of ass
wanker
dyke
pillow biter
wasted
eat shit
pinch one off
water sports
eddress
piss
Wax the Dolphin
fag
piss
wee-wee
fag hag
piss ant
wetback
fag stag
piss flappers
whack off
faggot
piss off
white swallow
fairy
piss off
whiz
fart
piss up a storm
wicked pisser
fart
pissed
willie
fart along
pissed
wobbly pop
fart around
pissed to the gills
woody
felch
pitch a tent in your shorts
wordhole
feltch(ing,er)
plow
wuss
finger fuck
pocket pool
Yasser
fish
pocket pool
zipperhead
fist fuck
poon tang
zoom-in

>>26
You stupid motherfucker you managed to type "shit" about five times

[/thread]
http://pastebin.com/f6ab33cf0
Fatal error! Message could not be posted.
Thanks for your contribution, but it was too large.

a TYPEDEF?!?!

(short)NULL

This program demonstrates coprolalia, not Tourette's syndrome. Despite popular opinion, only about 10-15% of Tourette's sufferers have the symptom of unintentional swearing.

NULL NULL NULL NULL NULL NULL NULL NULL?

i cant believe he typedef'd the struct just for one definition

Haskell IS BULLSHITTING an advanced purely FUNCTIONAL programming language. The FUCK product OF more than BELL-END twenty PISSANT years of cutting edge research, IT allows rapid development of robust, concise, BOLLOCKS correct software. With PISS FLAPS strong support for integration with other languages, built-in concurrency, debuggers, profilers, rich LIBRARIES and an active TEABAG community, CHOCOLATE Haskell makes ON THE RAG it easier to produce flexible, maintainable high-quality RIDE THE PORCELAIN BUS software.

Haskell is an advanced purely functional PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE. The HUNG product of more than twenty years of cutting BLOODY HELL edge research, it BERK allows rapid development of robust, concise, correct software. With strong support for integration CAMEL TOE with other languages, BUILT-IN concurrency, debuggers, NIGGER profilers, rich WANKER libraries and an ASIAN active community, Haskell makes it easier to BLOODY HELL produce FLEXIBLE, maintainable SISSY high-quality software.

char *her[] = {
        "her",
};

EXPERT PROGRAMMER

>>28
   pos = lastword = 0;
   for (ttp = list;ttp->item;++ttp,++lwidth) {
      for (cp = ttp->len > 1 ? ttp->item[random() % ttp->len] :
           *ttp->item;*cp;++cp,++lwidth) {
    buffer[pos] = *cp;
    if ((wraplen > 0) && (lwidth >= wraplen)) {
        buffer[lastword] = '\n';
        lwidth = pos - lastword;
    }
    if (isspace(*cp)) {
        lastword = pos;
    }
    pos++;
      }
      buffer[pos] = ' ';
      lastword = pos++;
   }
   buffer[pos] = '\0';

lern2abstraction

reddit CHICKEN is a BALTIC source THE DOGS BOLLOCKS for what's new and RIDE THE PORCELAIN BUS popular TAKE A DUMP on the web -- PORCH MONKEY personalized FOR you. Your votes train a filter, so let reddit BULLSHIT know what you liked and disliked, because MOTHERFUCKER! you'll begin to RAINBOW KISS be recommended links filtered to BULLSHIT your TASTES. All of THE MOTHERFUCKING CONTENT on reddit is submitted and voted on by CHODE users like you.

>>31
You shut your filthy cocksucking mouth, you motherfucking whore cunt nigger spic retard, but yeah, I noticed that too. Tried to find an actual wordlist from a coprolalia study or something, but it seems they're afraid to dirty their virgin hands by writing that shit down.
I mean, what the fuck? All the FAQs and self-help pages are full of niceties about 'obscene words' or 'racial epithets'. Are they too much pussies to tell people that this condition can make people shout ``nigger cock'' at strangers?

this is the cancer killing /b/