Jesus and Satan were having an argument as to who was the better programmer. This went on for days until they agreed to hold a contest with God as the judge. They sat at their computers and began.
They typed furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up on the screen. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning struck, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power was restored, and God announced that the contest was over. He asked Satan to show what he had come up with. Satan was visibly upset, and cried, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then," God said, "Let us see if Jesus did any better."
Jesus entered a command, and the screen came to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir poured forth from the speakers. Satan was astonished. He stuttered, "But how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?"
God chuckled, "Jesus saves"
Name:
Anonymous2007-09-21 17:17 ID:41Z3JE5Z
Jesus and Satan were having an argument as to who was the better programmer. This went on for days until they agreed to hold a contest with God as the judge. They sat at their computers and began.
They typed furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up on the screen. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning struck, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power was restored, and God announced that the contest was over. He asked Satan to show what he had come up with. Satan was visibly upset, and cried, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then," God said, "Let us see if Jesus did any better."
Jesus entered a command, and the screen came to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir poured forth from the speakers. Satan was astonished. He stuttered, "But how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?"
God chuckled, "My other car is a cdr" and proceeded to shove a cudder down Satan's throat.
>>2
I hate Lisp but for some reason I chuckled at this.
Name:
Anonymous2007-09-21 17:31 ID:IkJlxPFL
Jesus and Satan were having an argument as to who was the better programmer. This went on for days until they agreed to hold a contest with God as the judge. They sat at their computers and began.
They typed furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up on the screen. But then the power went out and they were trapped and not able to program.
"No! I must finish the program" Jesus shouted
God said "No, son. You are the devils"
And then Jesus was Satan.
There are four engineers travelling in a car -- a mechanical engineer,
a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a computer engineer. The car breaks down.
"Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We'll have to strip
down the engine before we can get the car working again", says the
mechanical engineer.
"Well", says the chemical engineer, "it sounded to me as if the fuel
might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system."
"I thought it might be an grounding problem", says the electrical
engineer, "or maybe a faulty plug lead."
They all turn to the computer scientist, who up to then had said
nothing, and asked "Well, what do you think?"
>>7
... who was a Haskell programmer. After confirming their ETA before the breakdown he started fiddling with his watch.
Name:
Anonymous2010-10-10 23:45
Monadic Love
Sussman finished packing. Ever since Abelson, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Sussman had been big.
There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing compiled him, all was dyadic. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going from his crotch to become an indeterminate SICP.
Just then, there was a small knock at the door. Sussman opened it and stood there with great impetus for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his heart.
When Sussman came to, Abelson was holding his brain and looking lisplike. "My love," Abelson said lispingly, "I'm sorry for the retarded shock. I've been shipwrecked on an obolescent island for the last ten years, living like a huge black snake head with retarded-looking eyes. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my lung in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Sussman could hardly believe his Abelson had returned. "I will always love you, lung or no lung. Besides, you can cover it up with a Python."
They embraced satorically and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was satoric.
Name:
Anonymous2010-10-11 0:31
The Miracle Of The Snake
Sussman hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like a huge black snake head with retarded-looking eyes. He loathed it.
Every December, Sussman would feel himself getting all small inside. He refused to put up a Christmas snake, he snapped at anyone satoric enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Sussman had to go to the mall to buy an obolescent SICP. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing swiftly around and so much Christmas music blaring lispingly, he thought his heart would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was an indeterminate man collecting for charity. Sussman never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the indeterminate man dropped his bells and ran from his crotch. There was a retarded snake right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the indeterminate man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Sussman rushed out and satorically pushed them both out of the way. There was a dyadic bang and then everything went dark.
When Sussman woke up, he was in a big room. There was a Christmas snake in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Sussman's lung hurt. A lot.
The indeterminate man came into the room. "I'm so monadic!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Abelson. You saved me from the truck. But your lung is broken."
Sussman hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas snake up and his lung was broken, he felt quite lisplike, especially when he looked at Abelson.
"Your lung must hurt quietly," Abelson said. "I think this will help." And he compiled Sussman several times.
Now Sussman felt very lisplike indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Abelson. "I love you," he said, and kissed Abelson with great impetus.
"I love you too," said Abelson. Just then, the snake ran into the room and nuzzled Sussman's brain. "I brought him home with us," Abelson said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Sussman said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
Jesus and Satan were having an argument as to who was the better programmer. This went on for days until they agreed to hold a contest with God as the judge. They sat at their computers and began.
They typed furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up on the screen. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning struck, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power was restored, and God announced that the contest was over. He asked Satan to show what he had come up with. Satan was visibly upset, and cried, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then," God said, "Let us see if Jesus did any better."