Halp me build internets

Hay guys, programming noob here. I'm interested in teaching myself web design, i don't have the time or money to take a class. specifically i'm looking at css, java and php. can you direct me to any beginner resources, books, sites etc.?

also any protips and suggestions are welcome

protip: Java and PHP are full of fail.

http://mitpress.mit.edu/sicp/full-text/book/book.html
http://swiss.csail.mit.edu/classes/6.001/abelson-sussman-lectures/

>>1
PROTIP: You fail for wanting to do web design, you fail for  calling web design programming, you fail for confusing Java and JavaScript, and oh yeah, you fail for BREATHING MY FUCKING AIR. Go choke on a razor blade, you piece of shit.

FUKKEN SAGED

>>1
Look at >>3 . This man has given you the best piece of advice you could ever receive.

JavaScript >> Java. And do you want to become a "designer", or a programmer? If so, read >>3, then get anything you can to crank some HTML —even PHP, though there are much better options— and get a decent application done. Oh and if you do go for PHP, please, write decent code! The world already has too many people writing bullshit.

You can easily write a web application using Scheme... OH WAIT

javascript is a lot like scheme

haskell is a lot like C

Java is alot like perl

Javascript is like a Scheme with a C syntax and a moderate dose of fail mixed in.

Spoiler: Javascript ≠ Java.

EVERYTHING IS TURING COMPLETE = THE SAME

>>11
Where in this thread can you see that misconception?

>>7
JavaScript belongs to this generation of dynamic multi-purpose languages that support most classic functional features, but are also comfortable to use and have syntax (be that good or bad). JavaScript, Python, Ruby and Lua, for example, are all "a lot like Scheme".

>>10
That's the problem; JavaScript has more than a moderate dose of fail. Its lists fail in that they can be iterated over their positions, instead of their values, its objects win in that a.x is syntactic sugar for a['x'] but fail because of the same thing, there are magic unenumerable methods which you can't create, there's that isNaN bullshit, and strings and numbers are automagically converted, a bad idea, which is even worse if you don't have a separate concatenation and addition operators (as you do in PHP, for example). Its syntax for lambdas is the best of all these languages though, and it's made of win.

>>13
OP

You're all worthless. Thanks for the help. I've made more progress on my own. This is why I left forums in the first place, is because of 30-40+ yr old assholes that think it's funny to be fucking deuchbags. Nice guys nice. I hope I see you assholes bleeding on the street and when you say, Help me! I'll piss on your fucking face, and then shit in your mouth and watch you choke to death. Fuck you