PHP is awesome

This is how you create a anonymous function in PHP:

$newfunc = create_function('$a,$b', 'return "ln($a) + ln($b) = " . log($a * $b);');

Yeah, this has long since changed with 5.3.

Say what you want about PHP, but at least it's never stagnant. It may never be the fastest or the most elegant, but it will always be an adequate tool for the job, for as long as server-side interpreted languages make sense on the web.