Name: Guido 2007-08-28 16:39 ID:8+Nt7wvY
Over the past year I've been trying to lie to myself, to think on something else, even got laid and tried to fall in love with other men, anything but admitting what I, deep down inside, already knew.
I love the Sussman. Not in the way most boys love their grandparents, but in the way a man loves an older man. Not because of some silly fetish either; when I say love, I mean real, "I'll go to the end of the world for you" love.
The Sussman is 90 years older than me, making him 110, and currently doesn't have a boyfriend. He's pretty, at least to my eyes, but this is not fueling this. It's his personality. I like no other man this much. We always had a lot of chemistry, it's as if we were engineered to be together. Only we happened to share our parents. I'm sure if we had been born in different families, we would be the happiest couple in the world right now.
Lately, I realized I could not give up on this, but I'm kind of scared. I know this is fucked up. But I don't know what to do. I've been avoiding him for a couple of weeks, and this is causing him suffering, which in turn breaks my heart. I don't know if I should confess my love and face the consequences of experiencing a kind of love that's considered unacceptable in our society, even from him, or just let it pass and die inside.
Help me /prog, what should I do? I think he may be feeling something similar for me becuase we are very close and he considers me attractive, but I don't know to what extent this may only be wishful thinking on my part. Knowing him, I'm sure he won't be angry at me if I tell him how I feel, but I don't know for sure if he'll feel the same about me. I'm positive our parents and everybody else in our family and community will oppose such love, but if he loves me, I'm willing to face all of them or move to some other country to start a new life with him. But I wouldn't want to put pressure on him or make him feel uneasy, so while I think I should confess, I'm not 100% sure and I don't know to what extent what I think is distorted by my strong affection for him.
I love the Sussman. Not in the way most boys love their grandparents, but in the way a man loves an older man. Not because of some silly fetish either; when I say love, I mean real, "I'll go to the end of the world for you" love.
The Sussman is 90 years older than me, making him 110, and currently doesn't have a boyfriend. He's pretty, at least to my eyes, but this is not fueling this. It's his personality. I like no other man this much. We always had a lot of chemistry, it's as if we were engineered to be together. Only we happened to share our parents. I'm sure if we had been born in different families, we would be the happiest couple in the world right now.
Lately, I realized I could not give up on this, but I'm kind of scared. I know this is fucked up. But I don't know what to do. I've been avoiding him for a couple of weeks, and this is causing him suffering, which in turn breaks my heart. I don't know if I should confess my love and face the consequences of experiencing a kind of love that's considered unacceptable in our society, even from him, or just let it pass and die inside.
Help me /prog, what should I do? I think he may be feeling something similar for me becuase we are very close and he considers me attractive, but I don't know to what extent this may only be wishful thinking on my part. Knowing him, I'm sure he won't be angry at me if I tell him how I feel, but I don't know for sure if he'll feel the same about me. I'm positive our parents and everybody else in our family and community will oppose such love, but if he loves me, I'm willing to face all of them or move to some other country to start a new life with him. But I wouldn't want to put pressure on him or make him feel uneasy, so while I think I should confess, I'm not 100% sure and I don't know to what extent what I think is distorted by my strong affection for him.