Perfect Language

So, I was looking at this thread http://dis.4chan.org/read/prog/1183997706/1-40 and all the various language bashing threads and was wondering... What, in the opinions of anonymous and 4chan in general, would make a perfect programming language? I am interested in both syntax and features and general flames, since they entertain me.

Brevity.
Programs should be as short as possible.
Every keystroke is a possible bug.
Nevermind readability. Absolute brevity is more important.
Ruby is a stepping stone for many toward brevity. Lisp and Haskell and terse Perl are too much of a leap all at once.