Perfect Language

So, I was looking at this thread http://dis.4chan.org/read/prog/1183997706/1-40 and all the various language bashing threads and was wondering... What, in the opinions of anonymous and 4chan in general, would make a perfect programming language? I am interested in both syntax and features and general flames, since they entertain me.

Context-free grammar, expressible with BNF
I have two problems with this.
1.) Turing-completeness requires a context sensitive grammar.
2.) BNF is for expressing context sensitive grammars.