Perfect Language

So, I was looking at this thread http://dis.4chan.org/read/prog/1183997706/1-40 and all the various language bashing threads and was wondering... What, in the opinions of anonymous and 4chan in general, would make a perfect programming language? I am interested in both syntax and features and general flames, since they entertain me.

>>21
I'm not who you're replying to, but:

What's so essential about garbage collection?

You can't be serious.

And do you specifically mean no manual memory management or just that automatic collection is available?

It's bad manners to hide such details, but mention me just one place where manual memory management would've given you a performance boost that you wouldn't have got in half a year via faster hardware.