INVENT THE WORST PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE

1. you can define keywords, operators, grammar rules, general concepts endorsed by the language, etc.
2. do your worst
3. we are starting from the ground up, so it is prohibited to import complete keyword sets from an existing language (no OK, ALL JAVA KEYWORDS, THREAD OVER, HURRRRRRRRRR)
4. and we need a name for this language as well

ALL FUNCTIONS ARE ANONYMOUS
ALL STATEMENTS MUST BE WRITTEN IN UPPER CASE. TYPING IN LOWER CASE WOULD BE A SYNTAX ERROR BECAUSE AS EVERYONE KNOWS CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL.