Best place to learn JavaScript?

I need to learn JavaScript for some client-side parts I need to do (no, not alert("welcome to my web sight lol h4x"), but real stuff).

I've fucking Googled it, but JS sites seem to teach alert("welcome to my web sight lol h4x").

Do you know of any good, serious language references not intended for noobs? The kind of thing you'd get for any other languages. I need something including a detailed language builtins explanation, DOM level 1, regular expressions, and all the new methods.

Thanks in advance.

Javascript is useless.

If you want to create a web app, use java.
If you want to create a web sight, focus on content.