How do I learned Lisp?

I have tried several times -- and FAILED UTTERLY. It felt like having a fetus shoved up your ass, and then having to shit it out while a big bad nigger is trying to shove it back up with his humongous cock. All while the fetus is growing at a steady pace.

Alright, what I need to know is:
1) How do I indented Lisp.
2) What dialect is "the best".
3) Minor programming project good for a stupid ignorant wapanese newbie.
4) PROTIPs.

Only serious inquiries, dear Sir or Madam.

>>36

I believe you can, but you'll have to write a wee bit of C code that "bridges" to those API functions, and load that compiled object code as UFFI.

I don't really know how to use UFFI but I'm pretty sure it works just as well in Win32 as it does in Linux, for Common LISP implementations that have official ports to those OSes.