why does java suck?

I've noticed in the short time I've been reading this board that there's a lot of java bashing, so I was wondering why people actually think it is so bad. I'm no java fan, but I've used it for some stuff before and it didn't seem terrible to me. An argument used to be that it runs slow as a guro-fied loli, but they've improved a lot in that aspect.

Please give good reasons, rather than stuff like "it's for certified professional consultants" or whatever you guys say.

Hello, >>53, allow me to explain:

if (language == "Java") {
  please_kill_me();
} else {
  i_can_take_it();
}
I don't care what that other languages is, and I don't really have any favorites. They all have the good, bad, and ugly. But Java... just no.

I'm probably not the only one who thinks like this.