Name: Anonymous 2011-02-22 0:53
The winter nights were dark and made bike-stealing either hazardous during the day, or difficult during the night, but between 1880-1884 Lewis H. Latimer invented the first electric light with a carbon filament he had stolen from a bicycles, and black people had a new golden era.
In 1909 Matthew Henson, explorer co-discovers the North Pole. Contrary to black popular belief, there were no bikes there, and Henson returned empty-handed in shame.
Bessie Blount invented a device to help disabled persons eat so that he didn't have to spend time feeding them (and could thus spend his time stealing bikes).
Otis Boykin invented the 'Electrical Resistor' used in computers, radios, television sets and a variety of electronic devices. His resistors looked oddly identical to bikes reported missing around the area.
Charles Brooks invented the first street sweeper truck and was issued a patent on March 17, 1896. It consisted of a bike tied to two brooms, and was later reclaimed by its rightful owner.
Henry Brown patented a 'receptacle for storing and preserving papers' on November 2, 1886, which developed into what is now known as the bank safety deposit box. His initial box was quite large - large enough to contain a large folding table, or a stolen bike.
George Washington Carver invented peanut butter, adhesives, bleach, chili sauce, ink, instant coffee, linoleum, mayonnaise, paper, plastic, pavement, shaving cream, talcum powder and more. It was later discovered that Carver was not black.
George Carruthers was the inventor of the far-ultraviolet camera and the spectrograph, used to determine the authenticity of stolen bikes.
Emmett W. Chappelle was a biochemist, photobiologist, astrochemist, inventor, diploma forger and bike-thief.
David Crosthwait holds 39 patents for heating systems and temperature regulating devices. He is most well known for creating the heating system for New York City's famous Radio City Music Hall, constructed out of pipes which he had mysteriously acquired from the local stolen bikes.
Mark Dean co-invented improvements in computer architecture that allowed IBM compatible PCs to use the same peripheral devices, like mice, keyboards and stolen bikes.
Dr. Charles Richard Drew was the first person to develop the blood bank, where people would enter and have their blood sucked while the staff would steal their bicycles.
In 1989, Philip Emeagwali won the Gordon Bell Prize, considered the equivalent of the Nobel Prize, for developing the fastest supercomputer software in the world, capaple of tracking down an estimate of 15 000 unstolen bikes a minute.
Sarah E. Goode was the first African-American woman to receive a patent (US #322,177), which was issued on 7/14/1885. She invented a type of cabinet bed for her stolen bikes.
Meredith C. Gourdine was the inventor of electrogasdynamics systems. The new golden era of electrogasdynamic bikethefts had begun.
Lloyd Augustus Hall is responsible for the meat curing products, seasonings, emulsions, bakery products, antioxidants, protein hydrolysates and many other products that keep our food fresh and flavorable, in an attempt to preserve his stolen bikes for the afterlife.
Thomas L. Jennings was the first African American to receive a patent (US patent3306x), which was issued on March 3rd, 1821. He had patented the stolen bike.
Lonnie Johnson invented the Super Soaker® a squirt gun and also invented thermodynamics systems on the side. He bought a huge mansion with servants and his own private chauffeur, and was a month later arrested for thirteen bikethefts around the area.
Frederick Jones invented the first automatic refrigeration system for long-haul trucks, to keep his bikes cool during transport.
Marjorie Stewart Joyner invented a permanent wave machine that would allow a hairdo to stay set for days. Thus the pointless afro was born.
Percy Lavon Julian synthesized the medicines physostigmine for glaucoma and cortisone used for rheumatoid arthritis and he invented fire-extinguishing equipment. Yeah, right.
Lewis Howard Latimer invented the water closet for railroad cars, an electric lamp with an inexpensive carbon filament and a threaded wooden socket for light bulbs. After having reinvented the lightbulb, his socket caught fire and from the fire only the frames from his stolen bike collection could be saved.