My first act would be to abolish the Presidency. Presidents can't be bothered to obey the US Constitution anyway, so the Constitutionality of such an act is not relevant.
Anyone who said "wait, you can't do that!" can be simply handled by stating that as President, I can do whatever I want since the US Constitution gave me direct powers to protect the nation. Since the Presidency is such a threat, I choose to abolish it.
THAT would send America's teeming masses of morons into a tizzy, which should last about 4 years, which is long enough. During those years, I'd collect my outrageous $200K per year for doing nothing, and I'd go fishing and travel and show up in other countries just to laugh at their governments.
During those 4 years, the Congress would have to "run" the nation (since I'd tell my Vice President to stay home too). As elected and so-called representatives of the people of the nation, I'm OK with that.
Very near the end of the 4 years of a President-less America, I'd show up at the Congress -- tanned and healthy from my globe-trotting -- and remind them that per my order as President, the Presidency had been abolished, hence there would be no election held for the Presidency. If that doesn't work, I'd just declare Martial Law and send the Congresscritters home at the end of bayonets, and use Martial Law to delegate all federal powers to the states. States would have to levy taxes and maintain previously federal properties (including military bases) within their borders. The only federal power left operating would be a RedCream Tax, which would be a 0.1% tax levied on all imports, which is to be paid to me until my death, and is my reward for creating the first Do-No-Harm Presidency in American history. I'd use the tax to hire mercs from the previous federal forces, and they'd be my enforcement arm.
And finally, during EACH and EVERY second of my Presidency, I'd wear a holster, and in that holster I'd have a big fucking handgun, and in that handgun I'd have big fucking bullets, as the US Constitution's Second Amendment clearly says that I can do. EACH. AND. EVERY. SECOND. With luck, the rest of fucking America would see me packing heat all the time, and will wake up and start keeping and bearing arms like they should have been doing all along.