Name: Anonymous 2008-04-02 20:55
1. Read outdated history/anthropology books. While knowing about the history and ethnogrophy of other cultures is important, it pays to make sure you are getting it from the right source. Generally speaking, you're going to want to focus on those books written in the late sixties and early seventies, as they tend to be the most politically correct. Newer evidence might prove that, say, cannibalism really did used to be prominent among the natives of New Guinea, but that does not mesh with your humanitarian worldview, so disregard it. You are a historical traditionalist; don't let those newer "facts" destroy your traditions.
2. Always bring up Israel. There is no such thing as a political, social, religious, environmental, or sexual controversy that cannot be used as an opportunity to bash Israel. The proper way to do this is as follows:
Poster One: so, what do you guys think of the new welfare bill?
Poster Two: ISRAEL IS STOPPING US FROM HAVING WELFARE BECAUSE IT IS A RACIST TERRORIST REGIME!!1
Poster One: wtf?
Trust me, it will make your enlightened, liberal sensibilities that much more prominent.
3. Play the martyr. When someone says we shouldn't allow illegal immigration, don't just speak on behalf of illegal aliens; BE an illegal alien. Cry. Scream. Accuse whoever you are arguing with of rape. Act as if the violent, nationalistic vices of your opponent are sucking the life out of the earth (and by extension yourself, since you are the earth's spokesman). You are defending the world from evil; never let anyone forget that, even for a second..
4. Advocate an implausible political/social/economic ideal. Being down to earth and realistic is for nasty, heartless conservatives; YOU'LL SHOW THEM!!! Marxism is a good place to start, but if you really want to let the love flow, you'll have to at least lean toward ideal anarchy. Quoting a recognized political nutcase (Mao, Servanarola, etc) as an exemplar of your particular ideal is just icing on the cake.
5. Do drugs. Psychoactive drugs are the leading cause of western liberalism. Keep smoking, and you'll be sure to stay on the right path.
6. Unfavorably compare white Christians to the rest of the world. White is the worst skin color, Christianity is the worst religion. Together, the two are intolerable. Does it seem logical that, since accepting all races and cultures as valuable is an important part of your worldview, you should accept Caucasian Christians just as much as everyone else? NO! GET THAT THOUGHT OUT OF YOUR HEAD RIGHT NOW! The White Man Is The Devil. This cannot be emphasized enough.
Remember also that all religions stress personal freedom, equality, and respect for the earth, EXCEPT Christianity. Christianity is based first and foremost on capitalism, corporatism, mysogyny, and killing babies. Why else would the Christian west be so eager to destroy all those peace-loving Muslim "charity organizations?"
7. Post "Mad World" vids on Youtube. To prove the legitimacy of whatever cause you are currently advocating, collect some random footage of Darfur/Remallah/New Orleans/Atlantis, mix up the images with some funky zoom angles, and play Gary Jules' cover of the Tears for Fears song "Mad World" in the background. Everyone will realize the scope of the suffering you are trying to prevent, and will hastily flock to your banner. Nothing proves a point like Tears for Fears.
8. Insist that the government is trying to get you. The Man is an evil, white, Christian guy who knows all about you, and feels threatened by your love of peace, respect for nature, and worship of the dignity of mankind and wymynkind; he will do everything in his power to mock, undermine, arrest, torture, and brainwash you. You as a person are that important. Just to prove that you aren't afraid of him, commit as many random small-time crimes as you can, like vandalism, hardcore drugs, and petty larceny. This will show that you are the better person.
9. ???
10. Profit!
2. Always bring up Israel. There is no such thing as a political, social, religious, environmental, or sexual controversy that cannot be used as an opportunity to bash Israel. The proper way to do this is as follows:
Poster One: so, what do you guys think of the new welfare bill?
Poster Two: ISRAEL IS STOPPING US FROM HAVING WELFARE BECAUSE IT IS A RACIST TERRORIST REGIME!!1
Poster One: wtf?
Trust me, it will make your enlightened, liberal sensibilities that much more prominent.
3. Play the martyr. When someone says we shouldn't allow illegal immigration, don't just speak on behalf of illegal aliens; BE an illegal alien. Cry. Scream. Accuse whoever you are arguing with of rape. Act as if the violent, nationalistic vices of your opponent are sucking the life out of the earth (and by extension yourself, since you are the earth's spokesman). You are defending the world from evil; never let anyone forget that, even for a second..
4. Advocate an implausible political/social/economic ideal. Being down to earth and realistic is for nasty, heartless conservatives; YOU'LL SHOW THEM!!! Marxism is a good place to start, but if you really want to let the love flow, you'll have to at least lean toward ideal anarchy. Quoting a recognized political nutcase (Mao, Servanarola, etc) as an exemplar of your particular ideal is just icing on the cake.
5. Do drugs. Psychoactive drugs are the leading cause of western liberalism. Keep smoking, and you'll be sure to stay on the right path.
6. Unfavorably compare white Christians to the rest of the world. White is the worst skin color, Christianity is the worst religion. Together, the two are intolerable. Does it seem logical that, since accepting all races and cultures as valuable is an important part of your worldview, you should accept Caucasian Christians just as much as everyone else? NO! GET THAT THOUGHT OUT OF YOUR HEAD RIGHT NOW! The White Man Is The Devil. This cannot be emphasized enough.
Remember also that all religions stress personal freedom, equality, and respect for the earth, EXCEPT Christianity. Christianity is based first and foremost on capitalism, corporatism, mysogyny, and killing babies. Why else would the Christian west be so eager to destroy all those peace-loving Muslim "charity organizations?"
7. Post "Mad World" vids on Youtube. To prove the legitimacy of whatever cause you are currently advocating, collect some random footage of Darfur/Remallah/New Orleans/Atlantis, mix up the images with some funky zoom angles, and play Gary Jules' cover of the Tears for Fears song "Mad World" in the background. Everyone will realize the scope of the suffering you are trying to prevent, and will hastily flock to your banner. Nothing proves a point like Tears for Fears.
8. Insist that the government is trying to get you. The Man is an evil, white, Christian guy who knows all about you, and feels threatened by your love of peace, respect for nature, and worship of the dignity of mankind and wymynkind; he will do everything in his power to mock, undermine, arrest, torture, and brainwash you. You as a person are that important. Just to prove that you aren't afraid of him, commit as many random small-time crimes as you can, like vandalism, hardcore drugs, and petty larceny. This will show that you are the better person.
9. ???
10. Profit!