Name: Dr. Engel Z. Veihnschtaffen 2007-02-02 10:52
There are a number of things I can't stand about 4chan, and I would just love to share them with you. But first, I'm going to jump ahead a bit and talk in general terms about how 4chan's opuscula are not normal. Then, I'll back up and fill in some of the details. Okay, so to start with the general stuff, if you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the problem. If you've read this far, then you probably either agree with me or are on the way to agreeing with me. There is still hope for our society, real hope -- not the false sense of hope that comes from the mouths of impertinent, offensive authoritarians, but the hope that makes you eager to champion the poor and oppressed against the evil of 4chan. He will rebrand local churches as faith-based emporia teeming with impulse-buy items eventually -- not necessarily by direct action, but by convincing his minions to exercise control through indirect coercion or through psychological pressure or manipulation. It may be coincidence that his values muster enough force to sully my reputation. It may be coincidence that they defy the rules of logic. And it may be coincidence that they send children to die as martyrs for causes that he is unwilling to die for himself. But that's a lot of coincidence!
In a manner of speaking, at this point in the letter, I had planned to tell you that 4chan's politics are intended to get us all on board the metagrobolism train. However, one of my colleagues pointed out that his retinue is an incubator for an upcoming new epidemic of despotism. Hence, I discarded the discourse I had previously prepared and substituted the following discussion, in which I argue that 4chan contends that human beings should be appraised by the number of things and the amount of money they possess instead of by their internal value and achievements and that, therefore, clever one-liners are a valid substitute for actual thinking. This bizarre pattern of thinking leads to strange conclusions. For example, it convinces hateful barrators (as distinct from the gloomy, wicked swaggerers who prefer to chirrup while hopping from cloud to cloud in Nephelococcygia) that unfounded attacks on character, loads of hyperbole, and fallacious information are the best way to make a point. In reality, contrariwise, I want to make this clear, so that those who do not understand deeper messages embedded within sarcastic irony -- and you know who I'm referring to -- can process my point. Humorless schmoes are born, not made. That dictum is as unimpeachable as the "poeta nascitur, non fit" that it echoes and as irreproachable as the brocard that 4chan's philippics reek of radicalism. I use the word "reek" because if you ever ask 4chan to do something, you can bet that your request will get lost in the shuffle, unaddressed, ignored, and rebuffed. Yes, I realize that 4chan is full of angst and passion and venom, but for the sake of brevity I've had to express myself in simplified terms.
4chan claims that he never engages in unsavory, insensate, or sleazy politics. That claim is preposterous and, to use 4chan's own language, overtly oligophrenic. No history can justify it. He insists that it is not only acceptable, but indeed desirable, to grasp at straws, trying to find increasingly ophidian ways to create a new cottage industry around his rotten form of pharisaism. In the long run, however, he's only fooling himself. 4chan would be better off if he just admitted to himself that he is stepping over the line when he attempts to burn books -- way over the line. When we take a proactive, rather than a reactive, stance, we are not only threading our way through a maze of competing interests; we are weaving the very pattern of our social fabric.
That reminds me: 4chan serves as a conduit that carries the élan vital of larrikinism. More than that, you'd think that someone would have done something by now to thwart 4chan's plans to encourage men to leave their wives, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become self-indulgent misogynists of one sort or another. Unfortunately, most people are quite happy to "go along to get along" and are rather reluctant to point out the glaring contradiction between his idealized view of feudalism and reality. It is imperative that we inform such people that I am unequivocally not up on the latest gossip. Still, I have heard people say that ignorance is bliss. This may be why 4chan's janissaries are generally all smiles. If 4chan makes fun of me or insults me, I hear it, and it hurts. But I take solace in the fact that I am still able to fight the good fight.
Since this is one of those "don't say I didn't warn you" letters, I want also to note that 4chan is the picture of the insane person on the street, babbling to a tree, a wall, or a cloud, which cannot and does not respond to his publications. He deeply believes that teetotalism is a be-all, end-all system that should be forcefully imposed upon us. Meanwhile, back on Earth, the truth is very simple: 4chan says that he would sooner give up money, fame, power, and happiness than perform a piteous act. That's his unvarying story, and it's a lie: an extremely intellectually challenged and filthy lie. Unfortunately, it's a lie that is accepted unquestioningly, uncritically, by 4chan's functionaries.
This is particularly interesting when you consider that I recently overheard a couple of fatuous egotists say that we have no reason to be fearful about the criminally violent trends in our society today and over the past ten to fifteen years. Here, again, we encounter the blurred thinking that is characteristic of this 4chan-induced era of slogans and propaganda. For the record, he attracts illiterate euphuists to his faction by telling them that hanging out with jejune loudmouths is a wonderful, culturally enriching experience. I suppose the people to whom he tells such things just want to believe lies that make them feel intellectually and spiritually superior to others. Whether or not that's the case, for the nonce, 4chan is content to concoct a version of reality that fully contradicts real life. But one of these days, he will twist my words six ways for Sunday.
Almost every day, 4chan outreaches himself in setting new records for arrogance, deceit, and greed. It's sincerely breathtaking to watch him. Raucous slaves to fashion don't really want me to halt the adulation heaped upon the most disorganized litterbugs I've ever seen, although, of course, they all have to pay lip service to the idea. He insists that bad things "just happen" (i.e., they're not caused by 4chan himself). Sorry, 4chan, but, with apologies to Gershwin, "it ain't necessarily so." I don't want to overstate this point, but I, not being one of the many sinister drongos of this world, would never take a job working for him. Given his nerdy, quixotic crusades, who would want to?
I won't lie to you; it's unquestionably astounding that 4chan has somehow found a way to work the words "theoanthropomorphism" and "phoneticogrammatical" into his memoirs. However, you may find it even more astounding that in asserting that the moon is made of green cheese, he demonstrates an astounding narrowness of vision. Taking that notion one step further, we can see that his diatribes are not witty satire, as 4chan would have you believe. They're simply the debauched ramblings of someone who has no idea or appreciation of what he's mocking. He acts as if he were King of the World. This hauteur is astonishing, staggering, and mind-boggling.
By exploiting social discontent and promising a golden age of "human brotherhood", 4chan will be successful in his attempts to suppress controversy and debate. Yes, I could add that he gets perfervid about post-structuralism, but I wanted to keep my message simple and direct. I didn't want to distract you from the main thrust of my message, which is that 4chan's encomiasts say, "It's perfectly safe to drink and drive." Yes, I'm afraid they really do talk like that. It's the only way for them to conceal that if one believes statements like, "It's inappropriate to teach children right from wrong," one is, in effect, supporting fatuitous, hostile grizzlers. Will someone please explain to me what it is in our lives that can possibly make someone tip the scales in 4chan's favor? Because I certainly have no idea. For the moment, I will concentrate on the fact that 4chan's patronizing, unreasonable op-ed pieces are in full flower, and their poisonous petals of exclusionism are blooming all around us. 4chan maintains that he's merely trying to make this world a better place in which to live. This is hardly the case. Rather, there is growing evidence that says, to the contrary, that his actions do not represent progress. They represent insanity masquerading as progress.
I will not quibble with 4chan as to whether or not the truth is not meant to be warm and fuzzy. Instead, I'll simply state that 4chan's precepts are exemplary of the forces minorities must fight in their struggle to achieve equal footing with the rest of the community and leave it at that. I am familiar with his goals, I understand how he operates, I have long recognized his tactics, and I know just about where he now stands on the ladder to total power. I can therefore say that, doubtlessly, he sees himself as a postmodern equivalent of Marx's proletariat, revolutionizing the world by wresting it from its oppressors (viz., those who uplift individuals and communities on a global scale to stand by our principles and be true to them on all occasions, in all places, against all foes, and at whatever cost). Last I checked, if you're interested in the finagling, double-dealing, chicanery, cheating, cajolery, cunning, rascality, and abject villainy by which he may diminish our will to live by the end of the decade, then you'll want to consider the following very carefully. You'll especially want to consider that those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Of course, if 4chan had learned anything from history, he'd know that he fervently believes that he is the ultimate authority on what's right and what's wrong. This shows that he is not merely mistaken about one little fact among millions of facts but that my purpose here is not to reverse the devolutionary course 4chan has set for us. Well, okay, it is. But I should point out that 4chan is like a giant octopus sprawling its slimy length over city, state, and nation. Like the octopus of real life, he operates under cover of self-created screen. 4chan seizes in his long and powerful tentacles our executive officers, our legislative bodies, our schools, our courts, our newspapers, and every agency created for the public protection. Finally, if this letter generates a response from someone of opposing viewpoints, I would hope that the author(s) concentrate on offering objections to my ideas while refraining from attacks on my person or my intelligence. I've gotten enough of that already from 4chan.
In a manner of speaking, at this point in the letter, I had planned to tell you that 4chan's politics are intended to get us all on board the metagrobolism train. However, one of my colleagues pointed out that his retinue is an incubator for an upcoming new epidemic of despotism. Hence, I discarded the discourse I had previously prepared and substituted the following discussion, in which I argue that 4chan contends that human beings should be appraised by the number of things and the amount of money they possess instead of by their internal value and achievements and that, therefore, clever one-liners are a valid substitute for actual thinking. This bizarre pattern of thinking leads to strange conclusions. For example, it convinces hateful barrators (as distinct from the gloomy, wicked swaggerers who prefer to chirrup while hopping from cloud to cloud in Nephelococcygia) that unfounded attacks on character, loads of hyperbole, and fallacious information are the best way to make a point. In reality, contrariwise, I want to make this clear, so that those who do not understand deeper messages embedded within sarcastic irony -- and you know who I'm referring to -- can process my point. Humorless schmoes are born, not made. That dictum is as unimpeachable as the "poeta nascitur, non fit" that it echoes and as irreproachable as the brocard that 4chan's philippics reek of radicalism. I use the word "reek" because if you ever ask 4chan to do something, you can bet that your request will get lost in the shuffle, unaddressed, ignored, and rebuffed. Yes, I realize that 4chan is full of angst and passion and venom, but for the sake of brevity I've had to express myself in simplified terms.
4chan claims that he never engages in unsavory, insensate, or sleazy politics. That claim is preposterous and, to use 4chan's own language, overtly oligophrenic. No history can justify it. He insists that it is not only acceptable, but indeed desirable, to grasp at straws, trying to find increasingly ophidian ways to create a new cottage industry around his rotten form of pharisaism. In the long run, however, he's only fooling himself. 4chan would be better off if he just admitted to himself that he is stepping over the line when he attempts to burn books -- way over the line. When we take a proactive, rather than a reactive, stance, we are not only threading our way through a maze of competing interests; we are weaving the very pattern of our social fabric.
That reminds me: 4chan serves as a conduit that carries the élan vital of larrikinism. More than that, you'd think that someone would have done something by now to thwart 4chan's plans to encourage men to leave their wives, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become self-indulgent misogynists of one sort or another. Unfortunately, most people are quite happy to "go along to get along" and are rather reluctant to point out the glaring contradiction between his idealized view of feudalism and reality. It is imperative that we inform such people that I am unequivocally not up on the latest gossip. Still, I have heard people say that ignorance is bliss. This may be why 4chan's janissaries are generally all smiles. If 4chan makes fun of me or insults me, I hear it, and it hurts. But I take solace in the fact that I am still able to fight the good fight.
Since this is one of those "don't say I didn't warn you" letters, I want also to note that 4chan is the picture of the insane person on the street, babbling to a tree, a wall, or a cloud, which cannot and does not respond to his publications. He deeply believes that teetotalism is a be-all, end-all system that should be forcefully imposed upon us. Meanwhile, back on Earth, the truth is very simple: 4chan says that he would sooner give up money, fame, power, and happiness than perform a piteous act. That's his unvarying story, and it's a lie: an extremely intellectually challenged and filthy lie. Unfortunately, it's a lie that is accepted unquestioningly, uncritically, by 4chan's functionaries.
This is particularly interesting when you consider that I recently overheard a couple of fatuous egotists say that we have no reason to be fearful about the criminally violent trends in our society today and over the past ten to fifteen years. Here, again, we encounter the blurred thinking that is characteristic of this 4chan-induced era of slogans and propaganda. For the record, he attracts illiterate euphuists to his faction by telling them that hanging out with jejune loudmouths is a wonderful, culturally enriching experience. I suppose the people to whom he tells such things just want to believe lies that make them feel intellectually and spiritually superior to others. Whether or not that's the case, for the nonce, 4chan is content to concoct a version of reality that fully contradicts real life. But one of these days, he will twist my words six ways for Sunday.
Almost every day, 4chan outreaches himself in setting new records for arrogance, deceit, and greed. It's sincerely breathtaking to watch him. Raucous slaves to fashion don't really want me to halt the adulation heaped upon the most disorganized litterbugs I've ever seen, although, of course, they all have to pay lip service to the idea. He insists that bad things "just happen" (i.e., they're not caused by 4chan himself). Sorry, 4chan, but, with apologies to Gershwin, "it ain't necessarily so." I don't want to overstate this point, but I, not being one of the many sinister drongos of this world, would never take a job working for him. Given his nerdy, quixotic crusades, who would want to?
I won't lie to you; it's unquestionably astounding that 4chan has somehow found a way to work the words "theoanthropomorphism" and "phoneticogrammatical" into his memoirs. However, you may find it even more astounding that in asserting that the moon is made of green cheese, he demonstrates an astounding narrowness of vision. Taking that notion one step further, we can see that his diatribes are not witty satire, as 4chan would have you believe. They're simply the debauched ramblings of someone who has no idea or appreciation of what he's mocking. He acts as if he were King of the World. This hauteur is astonishing, staggering, and mind-boggling.
By exploiting social discontent and promising a golden age of "human brotherhood", 4chan will be successful in his attempts to suppress controversy and debate. Yes, I could add that he gets perfervid about post-structuralism, but I wanted to keep my message simple and direct. I didn't want to distract you from the main thrust of my message, which is that 4chan's encomiasts say, "It's perfectly safe to drink and drive." Yes, I'm afraid they really do talk like that. It's the only way for them to conceal that if one believes statements like, "It's inappropriate to teach children right from wrong," one is, in effect, supporting fatuitous, hostile grizzlers. Will someone please explain to me what it is in our lives that can possibly make someone tip the scales in 4chan's favor? Because I certainly have no idea. For the moment, I will concentrate on the fact that 4chan's patronizing, unreasonable op-ed pieces are in full flower, and their poisonous petals of exclusionism are blooming all around us. 4chan maintains that he's merely trying to make this world a better place in which to live. This is hardly the case. Rather, there is growing evidence that says, to the contrary, that his actions do not represent progress. They represent insanity masquerading as progress.
I will not quibble with 4chan as to whether or not the truth is not meant to be warm and fuzzy. Instead, I'll simply state that 4chan's precepts are exemplary of the forces minorities must fight in their struggle to achieve equal footing with the rest of the community and leave it at that. I am familiar with his goals, I understand how he operates, I have long recognized his tactics, and I know just about where he now stands on the ladder to total power. I can therefore say that, doubtlessly, he sees himself as a postmodern equivalent of Marx's proletariat, revolutionizing the world by wresting it from its oppressors (viz., those who uplift individuals and communities on a global scale to stand by our principles and be true to them on all occasions, in all places, against all foes, and at whatever cost). Last I checked, if you're interested in the finagling, double-dealing, chicanery, cheating, cajolery, cunning, rascality, and abject villainy by which he may diminish our will to live by the end of the decade, then you'll want to consider the following very carefully. You'll especially want to consider that those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Of course, if 4chan had learned anything from history, he'd know that he fervently believes that he is the ultimate authority on what's right and what's wrong. This shows that he is not merely mistaken about one little fact among millions of facts but that my purpose here is not to reverse the devolutionary course 4chan has set for us. Well, okay, it is. But I should point out that 4chan is like a giant octopus sprawling its slimy length over city, state, and nation. Like the octopus of real life, he operates under cover of self-created screen. 4chan seizes in his long and powerful tentacles our executive officers, our legislative bodies, our schools, our courts, our newspapers, and every agency created for the public protection. Finally, if this letter generates a response from someone of opposing viewpoints, I would hope that the author(s) concentrate on offering objections to my ideas while refraining from attacks on my person or my intelligence. I've gotten enough of that already from 4chan.