being in the military

I am an american fighting in the forces which guard my country and our way of life. I am prepared to give my life in their defense. A while back I could rattle that off reflexively while doing 8 count body builders and having a drill instructor yell at me. It took me 5 minutes and a google search to make sure I had it right just now. I left a comfortable life that I hated to do what I do now. I like to think being trained like this hasn't changed me deep down inside. I like to think it has. The truth is even when I do let my hair grow out of this stupid haircut people still ask me if I am in the military about five minutes after I start talking to them. I feel guilty when I tell them what I do. I feel guilty when I lie about it. I feel guilty when I tell them I don't want to talk about it. The people I work with and myself spend more time evaluating our peers, superiors, and subordinates than anything else. At work, outside work, we can tell you exactly what the strengths and weaknesses are of everyone we come into contact with. The constant evaluation is a skill you can't turn off even when you want to . Truthfully, they are all some of the most outstanding people I have ever worked with. Even the poorest of those at my command I would trust more than most other people I have met in my life. I've seen people treated unfairly and let down when they didn't deserve it. I've seen a marine take a girl to his room for some private time and then tell me the next day he couldn't go running because his fiancee was in town that weekend. I raised a toast with him the next week to a friend who had been killed. I believe in what I do. I do it to give my life purpose where it has none.