how do i keyboard?

Greetings /music/. I recently acquired a keyboard but I have no idea how to play it, beyond some (very) basic stuff I can barely remember from secondary school.
Which books, videos, and tutorials would you recommend for a beginner? I'd rather not get a tutor since they're expensive, and this is just for a daft hobby anyway.

I'm afraid I can't help you, I'm far too much of a fag.  If anyone on here isn't a huge fag, maybe they can help you.  If no one helps you, I would presume, if I were you, that everyone who didn't help you but could have was too busy thinking of potential cocks they would like to suck.