How do you tell if a band is emo?

Hopefully the guy who keeps posting whether band X is emo is reading this..

Emo isn't even a real genre of music anymore. Nowadays "emo" is just a nametag with a uniform that sexually confused boys and insecure girls follow in order to mask their imperfections and at the same time wallow in self pity, whilst looking artsy and angsty. On top of that, they can feel less pathetic if they're part of something that is a cultural fad in our country.

Let me tell you something that is not only completely badass, but also uncommon in American teenage culture: Pirates. No, fuck ninjas. Don't say ninja's. They blow. Fuck them and their stupid little metal stars and their sneaky little ways. My pirate grandfather will stomp their tiny little ninja skulls back to the Shaolin Temple. Fuck you if you want to be a ninja. Ninja's suck dick.