Those buddhist bastards!

I've been listening to the Dalai Lama all day, and while he's clearly making an effort to be understood despite his accent and lack of vocabulary, he keeps talking about thinks I don't get!
These buddhist guys seem to love lists, but lists are fine because that's just simple criteria. It's the outlandish freaky stuff that I don't get, that annoy me. They keep talking about this "enlightenment" thing, which seems really cool to reach, because it is supposed to make me all holy and shit, and hopefully being holy will land me some massive respect and a few groupie chicks, but the bastards don't give me any clear directions on how to get there! Besides the "be nice to everyone" things, there's all these states of mind that I have to get through, and I don't even get what they mean! How am I supposed to know if I passed them or not, if I don't even understand what the fuck they're talking about?! "Impermanence", fine, but what's this shit about closing your eyes and still seeing a fly on someones forehead? What's a "non-elephant in the room", and what's that supposed to mean?

I think there's a severe lack of enlightenment tests on the internet. I mean there's one at HelloQuizzy, and according to that I'm the fucking man, but that test is hardly written by anyone who knows shit about enlightenment! You guys need to write a serious tibetan enlightenment test, so that I can measure the size of my enlightenment-peen.

(I'm writing this on 4chan, because this place is bound to be crawling with tibetan buddhists.)

>>6
>>7

>>there is more to it than just superstition
See, that's how buddhism gets you. That's how every religion gets you in the beginning: "See how sane we are! I know you're critical of us, so just see how much sense we make at first!"

Then before you know it, you'll be sitting there visualizing colors and "buddha medicine" in your "chakras", thinking that people have lived past lives, that life needs escaping from instead of embracing, and trying to achieve states of mind that some elected teacher won't explain to you.

Buddhists will tell you all this nonsense: "Do this! Behave like that! Think like this! Act like that!" ...and that compounds all this stress in you, and self-contempt for yourself, that the secret to Nirvana is just saying "Fuck this shit! It's all good!". They're not the cure. They're the poison. They are creating the very state that they say that they are liberating you from.

Yes, you can (veeery slooowly) learn a few things about your opinions being relative, and cause and effect, but what you're actually doing when you denounce your own opinions as illusions, is denying yourself. Buddhists are damaging the weave of "karma", because they hate karma. They hate life. Buddhists hate life to much that they have turned destroying it into a science. If they "liberate" you, then this will not only kill you, but also damage everyone affected by you. To be blunt: If someone hits you, and you just smile at them in return, they will gain incentive to start hitting people to make them smile.

Buddhism is created out of a mental sickness in India, to think that you can find holy men sitting under trees. The guy was just sitting under a tree, for crying out loud! People who invented banging two rocks together, have achieved more!