Those buddhist bastards!

I've been listening to the Dalai Lama all day, and while he's clearly making an effort to be understood despite his accent and lack of vocabulary, he keeps talking about thinks I don't get!
These buddhist guys seem to love lists, but lists are fine because that's just simple criteria. It's the outlandish freaky stuff that I don't get, that annoy me. They keep talking about this "enlightenment" thing, which seems really cool to reach, because it is supposed to make me all holy and shit, and hopefully being holy will land me some massive respect and a few groupie chicks, but the bastards don't give me any clear directions on how to get there! Besides the "be nice to everyone" things, there's all these states of mind that I have to get through, and I don't even get what they mean! How am I supposed to know if I passed them or not, if I don't even understand what the fuck they're talking about?! "Impermanence", fine, but what's this shit about closing your eyes and still seeing a fly on someones forehead? What's a "non-elephant in the room", and what's that supposed to mean?

I think there's a severe lack of enlightenment tests on the internet. I mean there's one at HelloQuizzy, and according to that I'm the fucking man, but that test is hardly written by anyone who knows shit about enlightenment! You guys need to write a serious tibetan enlightenment test, so that I can measure the size of my enlightenment-peen.

(I'm writing this on 4chan, because this place is bound to be crawling with tibetan buddhists.)

>>34
I'm not saying it's right. I'm saying that's the way it is.

It is not nice, but you need to know that there is a problem in order to solve it. It is like a doctor explaining to a patient that they have a melanoma and must undergo chemotherapy. It is like telling people they need to lock their doors. You have to do it, you must obey me.

So you accuse me of wanting to kill off nintendo employees and things. oh hahaha
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ClwvBShn9lk
You're just like the good guy in an action movie where the bad guy tries to justify his evil plot and the good guy trips him up!

Except you haven't really said anything about the basic philosophy I outlined earlier though. It's not going anywhere.

Corrections

Selfishness can be limited through a combination of eliminating poverty and education. It is not really selfishness if I intend to use most of my economic surplus on investments, gaining power and scientific research, as opposed to hedonism.

Survival of the fittest can be eliminated by taking control over our environment and evolution through genetic engineering, which I intend to get round to doing.

There is no room for psychopaths and such folks in society, this is not a new idea.

Most of the concepts you think of need not exist, they are arbitrary. Buddhism, fedoratheism, christianity, islam, hinduism and new world orders are just a bunch of ideas some people came up with. I'm not a hater, just laying down some perspective.