Those buddhist bastards!

I've been listening to the Dalai Lama all day, and while he's clearly making an effort to be understood despite his accent and lack of vocabulary, he keeps talking about thinks I don't get!
These buddhist guys seem to love lists, but lists are fine because that's just simple criteria. It's the outlandish freaky stuff that I don't get, that annoy me. They keep talking about this "enlightenment" thing, which seems really cool to reach, because it is supposed to make me all holy and shit, and hopefully being holy will land me some massive respect and a few groupie chicks, but the bastards don't give me any clear directions on how to get there! Besides the "be nice to everyone" things, there's all these states of mind that I have to get through, and I don't even get what they mean! How am I supposed to know if I passed them or not, if I don't even understand what the fuck they're talking about?! "Impermanence", fine, but what's this shit about closing your eyes and still seeing a fly on someones forehead? What's a "non-elephant in the room", and what's that supposed to mean?

I think there's a severe lack of enlightenment tests on the internet. I mean there's one at HelloQuizzy, and according to that I'm the fucking man, but that test is hardly written by anyone who knows shit about enlightenment! You guys need to write a serious tibetan enlightenment test, so that I can measure the size of my enlightenment-peen.

(I'm writing this on 4chan, because this place is bound to be crawling with tibetan buddhists.)

>>29
First familiarize yourself with some basic philosophy.

Theory and practice.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Praxis_%28process%29

Putting theory into practice can be difficult, that is why we need science to improve the accuracy of our theories.

Motives and actions.

We have many biological and emotional needs and a few needs determined intellectually.

http://researchnews.osu.edu/archive/whoami.htm

Then there is the manner in which we act on our motives. Different needs come into conflict with each other. "Do the ends justify the means?" is a typical question involving motives (ends) and actions (means), the answer is yes. Yes they do.


What theories, motivations and actions are best?

We are sapient and want good things to happen to us, so logically we ought to want the same for other sapient beings, when pushed to its logical conclusion our motivation should be for all sapient life to live in eternal happiness. In practice there are limitations to this, so we must add to our theory.

Due to economic scarcity we are inclined to favor ourselves over others, however we are humans, weak and feeble, helpless as a baby when asleep, we need to cooperate and trust family, friends, associates and the wider community to keep us safe at night. The motivation for this trust comes partly from emotions and partly from abstract ideas. You can only have a limited number of emotional attachments and people can always find alternate means of satiating their emotional needs that do not require you, hence abstract ideas are crucial. Furthermore such a society must prevent problems that might result in it collapsing and destroying itself.

If someone does not share these abstract ideas and they do not cooperate, then it is very difficult for you to help them achieve happiness and biological immortality. Buddhists are one such group of people. Another group are fedoratheists.

This is the specific type of atheist that I mean, they are typically teenagers or in their early 20s, they are fans of fedoratheists and the culture surrounding it, they are antisocial and they are fans of Richard Dawkins.

http://www.reddit.com/r/atheists

In the future the entire surface of the world will be covered in energy and resource producing facilities, these resources will support sapient beings who will conduct scientific research for the goal of achieving biological immortality among other things. I am pretty tolerant but the sheer impracticality of attempting to enlist the support of fedoratheists or buddhists prevents me from believing there is a future for them.

They will have to go, of course none of them will be actually killed as they will all be convinced of the errors of their ways and there will be a place for them. However if any make themselves a threat then logically they must be eliminated, as you would eliminate any other problem like malaria or air pollution.