Name: Anonymous 2013-04-16 13:21
It all started when our predictably heroic protagonist, Naegleria fowleri, woke up in a magical cornfield. It was the fifth time it had happened. Feeling abnormally stunned, Naegleria fowleri attacked a gerbil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved Trichomoniasis was missing! Immediately he called his so-called buddy, Neurocysticercosis. Naegleria fowleri had known Neurocysticercosis for (plus or minus) 61 years, the majority of which were striking ones. Neurocysticercosis was unique. He was intelligent though sometimes a little... pestering. Naegleria fowleri called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Neurocysticercosis picked up to a very nervous Naegleria fowleri. Neurocysticercosis calmly assured him that most venomous koalas shudder before mating, yet disease-carrying chipmunks usually earnestly yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Naegleria fowleri. Why was Neurocysticercosis trying to distract Naegleria fowleri? Because he had snuck out from Naegleria fowleri's with the Trichomoniasis only seven days prior. It was a sassy little Trichomoniasis... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Naegleria fowleri got back to the subject at hand: his Trichomoniasis. Neurocysticercosis sighed. Relunctantly, Neurocysticercosis invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Trichomoniasis. Naegleria fowleri grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Neurocysticercosis realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Trichomoniasis and he had to do it deftly. He figured that if Naegleria fowleri took the best-in-its-so-called-'class' sedan, he had take at least eleven minutes before Naegleria fowleri would get there. But if he took the Toxoplasmosis? Then Neurocysticercosis would be abundantly screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Neurocysticercosis was interrupted by two dimwitted CEOs that were lured by his Trichomoniasis. Neurocysticercosis cringed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling relieved, he aimlessly reached for his live hand grenade and deftly groped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the imaginery desert, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Toxoplasmosis rolling up. It was Naegleria fowleri.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a 12-pack of ripened avocados, so he knew he was running late. With a skillful leap, Naegleria fowleri was out of the Toxoplasmosis and went explosively jaunting toward Neurocysticercosis's front door. Meanwhile inside, Neurocysticercosis was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Trichomoniasis into a box of bananas and then slid the box behind his hippopotamus. Neurocysticercosis was displeased but at least the Trichomoniasis was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Neurocysticercosis sassily purred. With a deft push, Naegleria fowleri opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted self-righteous ass in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Neurocysticercosis assured him. Naegleria fowleri took a seat tragically close to where Neurocysticercosis had hidden the Trichomoniasis. Neurocysticercosis belched trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Naegleria fowleri was distracted. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Neurocysticercosis noticed a annoying look on Naegleria fowleri's face. Naegleria fowleri slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Neurocysticercosis felt a stabbing pain in his kidney when Naegleria fowleri asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Trichomoniasis right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A annoying look started to form on Naegleria fowleri's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ripened avocados from when she used to have pet man-eating capybaras. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Naegleria fowleri nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Neurocysticercosis could react, Naegleria fowleri aptly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Trichomoniasis was plainly in view.
Naegleria fowleri stared at Neurocysticercosis for what what must've been five days. A few unsatisfying minutes later, Neurocysticercosis groped indiscriminately in Naegleria fowleri's direction, clearly desperate. Naegleria fowleri grabbed the Trichomoniasis and bolted for the door. It was locked. Neurocysticercosis let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Naegleria fowleri,' he rebuked. Neurocysticercosis always had been a little annoying, so Naegleria fowleri knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Neurocysticercosis did something crazy, like... start chucking ninja stars at him or something. Absolutely thrilled, he gripped his Trichomoniasis tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Neurocysticercosis looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Naegleria fowleri. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame four days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Naegleria fowleri. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Neurocysticercosis walked over to the window and looked down. Naegleria fowleri was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Naegleria fowleri was struggling to make his way through the swamp behind Neurocysticercosis's place. Naegleria fowleri had severely hurt his double chin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral CEOs suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Trichomoniasis. One by one they latched on to Naegleria fowleri. Already weakened from his injury, Naegleria fowleri yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of CEOs running off with his Trichomoniasis.
About eight hours later, Naegleria fowleri awoke, his scalp throbbing. It was dark and Naegleria fowleri did not know where he was. Deep in the hazy swamp, Naegleria fowleri was excessively lost. In a tragically predictable turn of events, he remembered that his Trichomoniasis was taken by the CEOs. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a teensy CEO emerged from the disease-infested jungle. It was the alpha CEO. Naegleria fowleri opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the CEO sunk its teeth into Naegleria fowleri's double chin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Naegleria fowleri's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than eight miles away, Neurocysticercosis was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Trichomoniasis. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened dull pencil. With a apt thrust, he buried it deeply into his scalp. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Naegleria fowleri... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Trichomoniasis that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant CEOs, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
LOLz!!1
Neurocysticercosis picked up to a very nervous Naegleria fowleri. Neurocysticercosis calmly assured him that most venomous koalas shudder before mating, yet disease-carrying chipmunks usually earnestly yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Naegleria fowleri. Why was Neurocysticercosis trying to distract Naegleria fowleri? Because he had snuck out from Naegleria fowleri's with the Trichomoniasis only seven days prior. It was a sassy little Trichomoniasis... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Naegleria fowleri got back to the subject at hand: his Trichomoniasis. Neurocysticercosis sighed. Relunctantly, Neurocysticercosis invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Trichomoniasis. Naegleria fowleri grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Neurocysticercosis realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Trichomoniasis and he had to do it deftly. He figured that if Naegleria fowleri took the best-in-its-so-called-'class' sedan, he had take at least eleven minutes before Naegleria fowleri would get there. But if he took the Toxoplasmosis? Then Neurocysticercosis would be abundantly screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Neurocysticercosis was interrupted by two dimwitted CEOs that were lured by his Trichomoniasis. Neurocysticercosis cringed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling relieved, he aimlessly reached for his live hand grenade and deftly groped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the imaginery desert, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Toxoplasmosis rolling up. It was Naegleria fowleri.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a 12-pack of ripened avocados, so he knew he was running late. With a skillful leap, Naegleria fowleri was out of the Toxoplasmosis and went explosively jaunting toward Neurocysticercosis's front door. Meanwhile inside, Neurocysticercosis was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Trichomoniasis into a box of bananas and then slid the box behind his hippopotamus. Neurocysticercosis was displeased but at least the Trichomoniasis was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Neurocysticercosis sassily purred. With a deft push, Naegleria fowleri opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted self-righteous ass in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Neurocysticercosis assured him. Naegleria fowleri took a seat tragically close to where Neurocysticercosis had hidden the Trichomoniasis. Neurocysticercosis belched trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Naegleria fowleri was distracted. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Neurocysticercosis noticed a annoying look on Naegleria fowleri's face. Naegleria fowleri slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Neurocysticercosis felt a stabbing pain in his kidney when Naegleria fowleri asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Trichomoniasis right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A annoying look started to form on Naegleria fowleri's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ripened avocados from when she used to have pet man-eating capybaras. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Naegleria fowleri nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Neurocysticercosis could react, Naegleria fowleri aptly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Trichomoniasis was plainly in view.
Naegleria fowleri stared at Neurocysticercosis for what what must've been five days. A few unsatisfying minutes later, Neurocysticercosis groped indiscriminately in Naegleria fowleri's direction, clearly desperate. Naegleria fowleri grabbed the Trichomoniasis and bolted for the door. It was locked. Neurocysticercosis let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Naegleria fowleri,' he rebuked. Neurocysticercosis always had been a little annoying, so Naegleria fowleri knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Neurocysticercosis did something crazy, like... start chucking ninja stars at him or something. Absolutely thrilled, he gripped his Trichomoniasis tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Neurocysticercosis looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Naegleria fowleri. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame four days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Naegleria fowleri. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Neurocysticercosis walked over to the window and looked down. Naegleria fowleri was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Naegleria fowleri was struggling to make his way through the swamp behind Neurocysticercosis's place. Naegleria fowleri had severely hurt his double chin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral CEOs suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Trichomoniasis. One by one they latched on to Naegleria fowleri. Already weakened from his injury, Naegleria fowleri yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of CEOs running off with his Trichomoniasis.
About eight hours later, Naegleria fowleri awoke, his scalp throbbing. It was dark and Naegleria fowleri did not know where he was. Deep in the hazy swamp, Naegleria fowleri was excessively lost. In a tragically predictable turn of events, he remembered that his Trichomoniasis was taken by the CEOs. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a teensy CEO emerged from the disease-infested jungle. It was the alpha CEO. Naegleria fowleri opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the CEO sunk its teeth into Naegleria fowleri's double chin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Naegleria fowleri's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than eight miles away, Neurocysticercosis was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Trichomoniasis. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened dull pencil. With a apt thrust, he buried it deeply into his scalp. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Naegleria fowleri... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Trichomoniasis that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant CEOs, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
LOLz!!1