Name: Anonymous 2012-06-24 17:20
How broad are the effects increased CO2 on the oceans? They stretch from cost to cost.
A drunkard took shelter on a full moon night in a large windowless building with an open door. Alas for him, it was a warehouse.
My femmebot wanted an upgrade to be more attractive, so I gave her a sexy new core-set.
My friend had a few acacia trees which flowered acacionally.
Why is the English common law so concerned with property rights? Because the English gentry insisted on proper tea rites every afternoon.
In most of the world, gamblers use the poker face, but in Scranton they need only the Poconos.
When I visited Paris, I saw the Eiffel tower. What an eyeful!
The Grand Canyon is gorgeous.
Does an Anarchist man have an antistate gland instead of a prostate gland?
If you have trouble making decisions, you should get treated by an optician.
Which elements are used in medicine? Helium and curium, and if those fail, barium.
How should a girl prevent boys from getting infatuated? Use a detergent as a precaution, and if that fails, apply the antidote.
Carpetting: making out in the back seat.
We discovered asbestos in the basement; what should we do? Clean it up asbestos we can.
For a glider pilot to stay aloft for a long time, he must have the courage of his convections.
The Boston Celtics have a very frank name that indicates the organization's true purpose: sell tix.
A pair of travelling exhibits on theory of computation was known as the Turing Circus. (Three meanings!)
In the 1980s, GNU included a program designed to fake the use of COFF format without really understanding it. The program was called Robotussin (COFF medicine for your computer).
When a monastery sells jams and jellies over the Internet, is that monk e-business?
Who is the mayor of New York in the daytime? Not Bloomberg — he is the night-mayor. (I've used that against Mayors Wagner, Koch, and Giuliani and now Bloomberg.)
My neighbor in 1967 got a medical deferment from the draft by presenting his doctor with a case of sham pain.
"The bees' knees" is the plural of "the beanie".
The crow is a very wise bird: whatever it does, it does with caws.
The ancient Greek goddess of parking was Demeter. If you parked in an unpropitious place, you had to "feed Demeter".
The word "procrastination" comes from the Greek myth of Procrastes, who would stretch every task to fit the time available.
In the Greek myth of sysfs, every time the programmers thought it was working, they discovered they needed to rewrite it from scratch.
In anthropology, the way people in a group understand their behavior is called "emic"; an outsider's objective description of the behavior is called "etic". The relationship between the two is known as the "emetic" relationship.
I met someone who said, "I study microfinance," so I asked if they were too fine to observe with the naked eye.
A boy told me he wanted to spend a year studying abroad, so I told him that each one requires a whole life of study.
A girl I longed for found a Latin lover, so I accused her of getting off on a tan gent.
Once when I was feeling sad I drove past an artificial lake and said, "I feel a dam sight better now."
I met a man who was picking his clothing apart at the seams. I asked him why, and he told me, "It's my work — I am an auto-detailor."
I had a great meal at a Moroccan restaurant. Some places are rockin', and some are Moroccan.
I went to a Nepalese restaurant and had a Nepalling dinner.
Cooking that makes you sick is called queasine.
The waiters at an Ethiopian restaurant in Boston are nasty. They add insult to injera.
Did you hear about the free-lance magic advisor? He added consult to conjury.
They are called contractors because their business keeps getting smaller.
The great gothic cathedrals were built by men with hairy behinds, who used to climb to the top of the unfinished building and shake them. People came for miles to see the famous "flying butt-tresses".
Composting is a very useful practice, but it never occurs to me to do it. I guess I'm non compost mentis.
We've all seen them with hearts, spades and maybe clubs, but not with the other suit. Thus, here is my pledge never to gafiate: I won't ♦ane.
Chinese gardens often have ponds filled with ornamental fish, and beautiful bridges over them. Watch out for those: if you stand on one, you can get carp-pool tunnel syndrome.
Harvard is built on vector calculus: it has grad students, div students, and girl students.
You can tell a Cantabridgian because everything he writes is too long.
Fordham university is going to open a very expensive branch in Cambridge, to be called Canta-Fordham.
In biology, a syncytial connection is a tube running from one cell to another, formed in Las Vegas.
M&m's were invented in ancient Egypt, and were named after the pharaoh Amenemhet.
Daylight savings time was invented by a German politician. He was so proud that he changed his name to Adenauer.
In the 1980s there were two students at the AI Lab named Nomi. We were binomial.
I have a young relative named Noemi. I hope she doesn't go into TV.
A flautist is a musician who disregards performance conventions.
The all-time most popular big band musician on the World Wide Web is Big Spider Beck.
Where would a cryptographer bring you for a sexual fling? To a one-time pad.
What do you say when your sweetheart needs the toilet so urgently that walking isn't fast enough?
Skip to my loo, my darling.
A company whose employees used pogo sticks to deliver bottled water was called "Pole and Spring Water."
Modern neurobiology has determined that drunkenness occurs primarily in the michel lobe.
When Jimmy Carter was chosen as the chief official of the state of Georgia, was that a goobernatorial election?
I broke the world record for lying in bed. Instead of a trophy, I got atrophy.
For a few years, Dubya made himself the "teflon president" through religion: he practiced gnostic Christianity.
The Bahai church invites people to join, but the Babai church encourages its members to convert to other faiths.
A drunkard took shelter on a full moon night in a large windowless building with an open door. Alas for him, it was a warehouse.
My femmebot wanted an upgrade to be more attractive, so I gave her a sexy new core-set.
My friend had a few acacia trees which flowered acacionally.
Why is the English common law so concerned with property rights? Because the English gentry insisted on proper tea rites every afternoon.
In most of the world, gamblers use the poker face, but in Scranton they need only the Poconos.
When I visited Paris, I saw the Eiffel tower. What an eyeful!
The Grand Canyon is gorgeous.
Does an Anarchist man have an antistate gland instead of a prostate gland?
If you have trouble making decisions, you should get treated by an optician.
Which elements are used in medicine? Helium and curium, and if those fail, barium.
How should a girl prevent boys from getting infatuated? Use a detergent as a precaution, and if that fails, apply the antidote.
Carpetting: making out in the back seat.
We discovered asbestos in the basement; what should we do? Clean it up asbestos we can.
For a glider pilot to stay aloft for a long time, he must have the courage of his convections.
The Boston Celtics have a very frank name that indicates the organization's true purpose: sell tix.
A pair of travelling exhibits on theory of computation was known as the Turing Circus. (Three meanings!)
In the 1980s, GNU included a program designed to fake the use of COFF format without really understanding it. The program was called Robotussin (COFF medicine for your computer).
When a monastery sells jams and jellies over the Internet, is that monk e-business?
Who is the mayor of New York in the daytime? Not Bloomberg — he is the night-mayor. (I've used that against Mayors Wagner, Koch, and Giuliani and now Bloomberg.)
My neighbor in 1967 got a medical deferment from the draft by presenting his doctor with a case of sham pain.
"The bees' knees" is the plural of "the beanie".
The crow is a very wise bird: whatever it does, it does with caws.
The ancient Greek goddess of parking was Demeter. If you parked in an unpropitious place, you had to "feed Demeter".
The word "procrastination" comes from the Greek myth of Procrastes, who would stretch every task to fit the time available.
In the Greek myth of sysfs, every time the programmers thought it was working, they discovered they needed to rewrite it from scratch.
In anthropology, the way people in a group understand their behavior is called "emic"; an outsider's objective description of the behavior is called "etic". The relationship between the two is known as the "emetic" relationship.
I met someone who said, "I study microfinance," so I asked if they were too fine to observe with the naked eye.
A boy told me he wanted to spend a year studying abroad, so I told him that each one requires a whole life of study.
A girl I longed for found a Latin lover, so I accused her of getting off on a tan gent.
Once when I was feeling sad I drove past an artificial lake and said, "I feel a dam sight better now."
I met a man who was picking his clothing apart at the seams. I asked him why, and he told me, "It's my work — I am an auto-detailor."
I had a great meal at a Moroccan restaurant. Some places are rockin', and some are Moroccan.
I went to a Nepalese restaurant and had a Nepalling dinner.
Cooking that makes you sick is called queasine.
The waiters at an Ethiopian restaurant in Boston are nasty. They add insult to injera.
Did you hear about the free-lance magic advisor? He added consult to conjury.
They are called contractors because their business keeps getting smaller.
The great gothic cathedrals were built by men with hairy behinds, who used to climb to the top of the unfinished building and shake them. People came for miles to see the famous "flying butt-tresses".
Composting is a very useful practice, but it never occurs to me to do it. I guess I'm non compost mentis.
We've all seen them with hearts, spades and maybe clubs, but not with the other suit. Thus, here is my pledge never to gafiate: I won't ♦ane.
Chinese gardens often have ponds filled with ornamental fish, and beautiful bridges over them. Watch out for those: if you stand on one, you can get carp-pool tunnel syndrome.
Harvard is built on vector calculus: it has grad students, div students, and girl students.
You can tell a Cantabridgian because everything he writes is too long.
Fordham university is going to open a very expensive branch in Cambridge, to be called Canta-Fordham.
In biology, a syncytial connection is a tube running from one cell to another, formed in Las Vegas.
M&m's were invented in ancient Egypt, and were named after the pharaoh Amenemhet.
Daylight savings time was invented by a German politician. He was so proud that he changed his name to Adenauer.
In the 1980s there were two students at the AI Lab named Nomi. We were binomial.
I have a young relative named Noemi. I hope she doesn't go into TV.
A flautist is a musician who disregards performance conventions.
The all-time most popular big band musician on the World Wide Web is Big Spider Beck.
Where would a cryptographer bring you for a sexual fling? To a one-time pad.
What do you say when your sweetheart needs the toilet so urgently that walking isn't fast enough?
Skip to my loo, my darling.
A company whose employees used pogo sticks to deliver bottled water was called "Pole and Spring Water."
Modern neurobiology has determined that drunkenness occurs primarily in the michel lobe.
When Jimmy Carter was chosen as the chief official of the state of Georgia, was that a goobernatorial election?
I broke the world record for lying in bed. Instead of a trophy, I got atrophy.
For a few years, Dubya made himself the "teflon president" through religion: he practiced gnostic Christianity.
The Bahai church invites people to join, but the Babai church encourages its members to convert to other faiths.