i got caught shoplifting

i've been caught shoplifting at dollarstore, this is the first time i have ever done anything like this, well not really, it's the first time i been caught, and im not sure why i started it in the first place as i get welfare, it's not like i really needed that box of tampons, I am wondering what is going to happen?

What does all this bullshit, aside from providing shitty "me" satire, have the fuck to do with anything?