:(

Spend your entire life playing video games, reading books, ignoring your friends and family and lose touch with everything you onced loved.

Sigh.

Feels bad man.txt

My depression was caused by loneliness. I was unhappy because I felt that no one cared about me. I felt that I needed that. This lasted three years during which I hit rockbottom once, I was crying myself to sleep every other day and thought of killing myself. I had developed a strong fear of socializing. Being unhappy made me more unhappy because I considered happiness as something without which my life would have no meaning. Not being able to do what I felt I needed to be happy (socializing) made be even more depressed (and more fearful of socializing). This vicious circle is what creates depression and S.A.D. It is the primary reason why all those rather small events managed to completely destroy my emotional wellbeing.

Changing my attitude regarding emotions is basically what cured my depression.

After three years of being depressed I basically cracked. I decided I would no longer care whether I'm happy or not. I was intending to accept being unhappy as long as I'd devote myself to something I felt was worthy. The idea was to become a sad but awesome person. I already had made the decision to study mathematics (my favorite and best subject) and become a researcher. I was doing good in my studies, which was not surprising. I really loved mathematics. I valued the purpose of contributing to mathematics very highly. So, what I did was simply to dethrone happiness as my no. 1 priority in life and put contributing to mathematics in its place.