Star Trek - The Next Generation

This is a fanfic. It is not real. I don't own Star Trek, so please don't sue.

Jean-Luc Picard sat in his seat on the bridge, getting more and more bored by the minute. He had scanned deep space for brave new life and civilizations to explore for months now, and though he knew that they were out there somewhere, he just couldn't seem to find any.
Then suddenly a ship decloaked in front of the USS Enterprise.
"Raise shields!", Picard commanded.
"Shields raised, sir.", Worf responded. "Captain, they appear to be hailing us."
"Open hailing frequencies! On screen!", Picard ordered. So it wasn't an ambush after all.
...but nothing could have prepared him for what would happen next.
"This is Jean-Luc Picard of the federation starship USS Enterprise.", Jean-Luc hailed.
Jean-Luc couldn't believe his eyes. There he was, filling up the screen, and appeared to be hailing himself.
"What kind of trickery is this? Data, report!", he demanded.
"Sir, the scannings indicate that it is a vessel identical to our own. For all intents and purposes, this is a replica of our ship."
"I can assure you that this is no trick.", screen-Picard said. "He have come here through a temporal wormhole, from the future."
"So it has come to this, has it?". Picard clenched his teeth. Long had he anticipated this day, for he knew himself all too well.
"I guess you know why I'm here.", future Picard said. "Space is a very lonely place, so when we happened upon this rip in time and space, it only seemed the reasonable thing to do."
"Then we will not disappoint you. Mr. Worf, cut transmission!", Picard answered. "Fire phasers!"
The phaser fire was quickly absorbed by the future Enterprises newly raised shields.
"Captain, they're hailing us again.", Worf said.
"On screen!"
"Oh, come on.", future Picard sneered from the screen. "We've been doing this 'by-the-book' for far too long now. We could fire away at eachothers shields all day, or we could go at it mano-a-mano, like real men."
"Mr. Data, stand by to lower shields on my mark.", Picard ordered.
"Sir?", Data wondered.
"No time for questions - just do as I say!", Picard commanded.
"Very well, sir. Standing by."

Both of the ships lowered their shields at the same time, and phaser fire soon began to trace the curves of both ships, peeling away the layers of cold steel, and exposing the secrets it guarded. Explosions erupted, and the people struggled breathlessly for air with almost sensual looks on their faces.
Soon the ships were naked before eachother, blushing.
"Arm photon torpedoes!", Picard commanded, but it was too late. Future Picard has already fired his huge missile, and the crew gasped as it ran deep into the exposed, leaking hull of their ship. It had penetrated where no man had gone before, and Geordi let out a moan as he assessed the status: "Oh Captain, decks 3 through 7 has all been thoroughly penetrated."
...but future Picard would not stop there. Another missile soon filled the ship up, and another, and then another. Picard had never felt this way before, fondling his chest, wishing he had real breasts.
"Oh, take us!", he hailed future Picard. "Ram us with your huge torpedo!"
...and soon the present day Enterprise had reached its climax, exploding into little glittery pieces of hot, burning shameless lust, as the photon torpedo pumped every crevice of it full.