honestly, without love, money and "success" does not happiness make.
i know this is cliched, something that any idiot knows, but i'm only now suffering from it.
i've enjoyed a startling uptick in my life, in terms of mobility and money, yet i still suffer from this inescapable depression that's the result of me fucking over what was quite possibly the love of my life.
i'm in a meeting yesterday, going over this press feature that's going to be written about us, and my mind isn't registering that i'm going to have someone write about the origins of our company and what it's about.
no, as it's been for the past few months, my mind is preoccupied with the horrendous things i did to this woman that i REALLY love.
i know this strikes yall as some emo-tinged blog post, but i just need to release this.
it hurts so much, because i had her heart right in my hands, but my own near sociopathic need to be ALONE compelled me to smash it.
she recently told a mutual friend that she thinks i'm a stranger, someone she never knew, that my behavior devastated her.
and, to top that off, she's dating someone who's the EXACT opposite of the type of guy she's always expressed interest in.
i mean, this is the kind of guy that is entirely antithetical to just WHO she is.
i'm not talking about some "bad boy" stud...complete opposite...
i mean, our mutual friend said she believes that she'll eventually come around, saying that she was in love with me long before i realized i loved her.
but, i'm not taking that to heart, finding it overly optimistic.
right now, she fucking hates me.
and, you'd think that i can go out and drown this sorrow in casual sex and mindless consumerist exploits..just buy shit and fuck pussy.
no.
i just want to crawl into bed, turn my phone off, and sleep.