I am 29.

Oh well i wen´t to social event that ended up in a reunion thing later on at a hotel with some friends etc. I chatted alot with a girl who is ofcourse dating a friend. We began this conversation etc and told her about my problems and how i feel a mix of sadness, depression, mania, self hatred and sometimes rage because of the blackhole that has been created in my soul with my love-shyness problem (triggerd partly so by a non acquiented love twice, friend treason wit the girl i loved etc) and how i can´t battle well at the sight of beuty in women and that is what i most need, wan´t. Funny thing is at one moment when i was going for a drink this other women began to talk to me out of the blue. I was like "Is this mlf trying to pick me up" . Then the next thing happened. She called of her younger cousin and kept saying "Look at him, isn´t he handsome" etc of crap (man can they sense a nice guy huh! especially these older broads). Then ofcourse i had a chat with this girl (she cute BTW) and then i got her email. So cool she said she had to go soon (her "family and uncles where there" or some crap with another "cousin of hers: a guy". So the time prolonged and passsed and me and the other girl kept on going the debate etc and then she gave my friend hints that she wanted to leave and i should go to. Ofcourse i am not stupid and i wasn´t going to ruin it for my buddy who had made some nice moves on her and she seemed interested. It was as if she was trying not to make me feel bad about my situation (that i can appreciate) but i had made up my mind to stay a bit longer and drink a bit more (being lonley most if no my whole adolescence-life has made it for me to enjoy sometimes this form of self pitty: my drink and me). Then again an hour or so later out of the blue i saw the girl i with her " guy cousin" the funny thing is she was talking with him very touchy on the coach and it was as he was trying to kiss her or something she was giving signs of "no" and so on. I saw this so i sat with my drink close by to see if this shit was a lie (he is not her cousin most probable). So as i was seeing this i began to watch what was going on i began to get a bit pissed, she kept glancing once or twice and noticed me. It was really as if she could understand my pain while i drinking and listening to an 80s background song-at one moment i shed a small tear and she saw it and she shed a tear or looked very preoccupied. She did notice that i looked out the window taking a good look at the buldings (it was on something like the 17 floor) and i was mentally saying to myself "If he kisses her how about i just run the window crash it and fall of and die...would it be a nice way to go?". Then the dude noticed i was there and he began to get all macho showing off his arm musces from the back in my mind i was like "This guy stupid or something? I don´t care if this dude was from the Gracie family i would break a bottle through is head with no hesitation". Thankfully the dud did no get up so as i was living and going to the bathroom the girl stud up and we talked some minutes and buum i left.

Maybe i am stupid and cant understand subliminal messeges but this girl must be a prostitude or is she not?

Dont really give a fuck but o well i will try to see her someday. I ask myself...when will this torture stop? as i listen this tune

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGm77yYAyRQ&feature=fvw