snappy comebacks to rude cocksuckers

I really can not abide rudeness.  Certainly not from drunken strangers.  Keep your comments to yourself, wobbler.  Anyhow, comebacks:

Why don't you go and suck your mama's cock.

Hold on, my phone is buzzing.  *Hold hand to ear as if it is a phone* Yes?  You want to speak to a Mr. Asshole?  -- It's for you.  *bring hand out with a middle finger up*

One thread was enough, thank you.