My friends were all undead.

I am feeling very depressed right now because I've come to realize that most of my friends were really zombies. I should have paid attention to the signs, but I really wanted some friends, and the rot wasn't so bad in the beginning.
Sure, when I left them each evening they wouldn't actually go home - they would just stay and moan outside my window. That was kinda creepy, and sort of gay too.
And then there was Fluffy. You turn your back to them just for a moment, and when you come back suddenly Fluffy is missing.
...and that stench. You could get used to it after awhile, but every time you met up with them, you'd have to do that all over again.
...but I mean at first they seemed like really okay guys. A little weird perhaps, but I'm weird too.
I guess I realize now, after about ten years has gone by, that they just wanted to hang with me because of my brains. That's pretty sad, because I really enjoyed their company.
Well, at least I didn't get bitten. At least that's some comfort.

I know you guys don't care about all of this, but I figure that you can't possibly be any worse than my former friends. I guess some of your are probably zombies too, but at least you won't be able to eat my brains.

>>35
That's the easiest way to spot a zombie from a far: Does he stand around a lot, like all casually in the middle of a zombie horde? Of course it doesn't hurt to greet him. If he doesn't respond intelligently to the greeting, or seem generally oblivious to your presence, he's definitely a zombie.

I don't think that zombies sweat, because wouldn't that imply that there's bodyheat and life in them? ...but it's actually kind of hard to tell: They decay, so their skin is different from another humans, which makes it hard to spot, and they reek too, but stronger, so I can't (and won't) discern it by smell. Also, if you're close enough to see that he's sweating, and he still doesn't acknowledge you, he's obviously a zombie.