So sick of the hobos

always begging for change
I don't like how I gotta work and
They just sit around and get paid

I don't mind them as long as they sit still in a corner.

Hobos who come begging to me piss me off though. Especially if they just hand me a note saying "i am refugee and illegal in this country gief money plox".

I hate giving them money but I always give them some because I have social anxiety. I hate this. I hate myself. This is a constant in my life. So much hate and anger has building up inside, but I can't help pleasing people who I hate. It's like I'm being raped over and over again and I could end it just by saying "no" but I'm too scared to say "no". I hate humans. I dream of taking a gun or even just a knife with me and killing whoever bothers. But I don't want to spend the rest of my life in jail for some stupid shit like that. Since recently, whenever I walk past someone I dislike I get the urge to just punch them in the face. When I walk past a girl I get the urge to molest her. These are not just fantasies. These are urges I HAVE to fight against. What if my mental state deteriorates? I fear I won't be able to resist these urges one day. My life is fucked.