A2U: [begins to wolf down the chili] God, this is really good, RedCream!
RedCream: I'm glad you like it so much, because now that you're almost finished, I have something to tell you.
A2U: (through a mouthful of chili) What? You mean about how you put bullshit in your chili? [Everyone at RedCream's end of the table is shocked, even RedCream, at this accusation.]
RedCream: What?
A2U: Yes, I'm afraid this isn't your chili, RedCream. I switched it with Chef's. [Chef looks like he's been used.] It's delicious, Chef. I hadn't planned on that. What I did plan on, however, was that my friends, Casual and Slaughter, would betray me and warn you that the Chili Con Carnival was a trap. [Casual and Slaughter are stunned.] I assumed that they would tell you that I had trained Denkins' pony to bite off your weiner. What they didn't tell you was that Denkins is a crazy redneck who shoots trespassers on sight. Knowing that you would try and do something to the pony, I warned Mr. Denkins that violent pony killers were in the area. [A shot of A2U telling Denkins of such a thing. Denkins is armed.] I also know that you wouldn't go yourself, for fear of having your weiner bitten off. You would most likely send your parents. [A shot of RedCream talking with his parents.] And, I'm afraid that when Mr. Denkins spotted them on his property, he shot and killed both your parents. [RedCream's parents are in the corral to rescue the "starving" pony, but upon seeing RedCream's dad's lit flashlight, Mr. Denkins fires at them, and they go down.]
Mr. Denkins: [looks of horror surround him] Well, they was trespassin' and I was protectin' myself. I-I have my rights.
RedCream: My...mom and dad are...dead? [A shot of Officer Barbrady taking a report from Denkins.]
A2U: I came just in time to see Mr. Denkins giving his report to Officer Barbrady. And of course, to steal the bodies... [A shot of A2U arriving, seeing Denkins and Barbrady, and pulling the bodies away.] After a night with the hacksaw, I was all ready to put on my Chili Con Carnival, so that I could personally tell you about your parents' demise! And of course, feed you your chili. [More faces of horror behind A2U.] Do you like it? You liked it, RedCream. [A gleefully evil look comes over A2U.] I call it, "Mr. & Mrs. RedCream Chili."
RedCream: [looks at A2U for a while, realizing what's just happened] Oh, my God! [Gagging, he fishes through the plate and finds his mom's wedding ring, still on her finger. He tosses it away.] Oh, my God!! [Vomits off to the side.]
A2U: [leaping up on the table and sings] Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah! I made you eat your parents! Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah! [Casual and Slaughter are stunned.]
Casual: Jesus Christ, dude!
RedCream: [grief-stricken, he buries his face on the table] My mom and dad are dead! [Pounds the table.] No! No-o-o! [Radiohead arrives and stands behind RedCream. Casual notices.]
Thom: Um, excuse me?
Casual: Who are you?
Johnny: We're that band, Radiohead.
RedCream: [raises his head] Jesus!
Ed: Jeez, what a little crybaby!
Colin: Are you gonna cry all day, crybaby?
Thom: You know, everyone has problems; it doesn't mean you have to be a little crybaby about it.
Ed: Come on, guys, let's go. This kid is totally not cool. [The members of the band start leaving.]
Thom: Yeah, that's the most uncool kid I've ever met.
Phil: Little crybaby.
RedCream: [gathers himself and looks.] No, wait! Wa-a-i-i-t-t! Oh my God, Oh my Go-o-o-o-d!! [Buries his face in the table and bawls again.] Nooo!
A2U: [walks over to RedCream's end of the table] Yes! Ye-e-s-s! Oh, let me taste your tears, RedCream! [Starts licking RedCream's tears off his face.] Mm, your tears are so yummy and sweet.
Slaughter: Dude, I think it might be best for us to never piss A2U off again.
Casual: Good call.
A2U: Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness! Mm-yummy. [Licks the tears off the table and off RedCream's face.] Mm-yummy, you guys! (fade out, then quickly back in to Looney Tunes-style iris)
A2U: be-de-be-de, that's all, folks!