>>92
Hey Nanami. I just wanted to recap on that subject cause it ties in with the research that I'm doing on self-awareness, science, religion, belief, faith, respect, trust, forgiveness, symbolism, paradox/axiom, questioning, poetry, and technical writing aspects that of literature of the past as well as history being pop culture. Well, this aspect from my perspective has the potential to be seen many ways, but really there are only two ways that I am able to see as of yet.
1) everything stated in the bible needs to be taken word for word as 100% accurate without any seperation or deviation as to the actual absolute relavence and existence of our human conditions, God, and the Devil as so stated within.
2) everything stated in the bible has the potential to be taken either as literal interpretation or as metaphorical speculation based upon historical experiences.
I prefer 2 as it enables room for change, error and flexibility as such is the way of our human condition anyway.
Rocks are solid, and yet they erode. <metaphore and potential
There is never nothing going on. <literal and potential
See, for me, it's not a matter of believing that there is a god or not, a devil or not. But it does matter that you realize that you exist, treat yourself with respect, learn to trust yourself appropriately by not setting yourself or other people up to fail, and realize that we are not a perfect species. But how to do it is another matter entirely. In order to define yourself you have to have differences. The only way to have differences is to be amongst similar recurrences such as other people. Amongst them see their defining characteristics and you will eventually integrate spots of other people's ideas, advertise your own ideas, and define yourself in ways that most can't even adequately comprehend let alone do.
My problem is that I'm isolated about 85% of the time with very few interactions and am always nervous and skidish in first time introductions as well. What happens in isolation is worse than most can adequately explain. That's why I'm doing this project so nobody has to do what I did in order to find out the horrors of isolation and sensory deprivation. What happens is a loosing of sense of self, worth, respect, and experience to overwhelming imagination, obscurity, delusions of grandeur, and misery. It's because of this that I'm not able to define myself adequately because of the distraction that fear, shock, shame, denial, disbelief, distrust, and dishonesty bring. I found that due to exposure to people and interaction can alleviate such apprehension, hesitation, and fear of initial contact often is accompanied by over time.
Another thing that comes with this isolation is the idea of ever-present death. It really feels like death is sitting on the couch with you sipping tea and checking his watch ever-so-often. There are no appropriate distracting productive activities that assist in person growth in isolation. There is only obscurity and regression without the constant growth of human contact. And how do you define yourself? Disagree. Question people's answers, question them if you aren't sure. But most importantly do not accept the words they are telling you as true to life absolute truth for everything without exception is based upon relative perceptual observation and thereby lacks any absolute grasp including this very statement and all other statements by me. Yes, these are only my perceptions that I am able to come up with out here in the freaking woods with lunatics for family members. I feel like I'm the lunatic just for staying. Later it came to my attention about activity vs inactivity and where my attentions, loyalties, and respects were based upon. Mine were those of inactivity. So, when something happens, I don't see it. But if something doesn't happen when it is supposed to, I'll catch it right away. Strange thing perception. No matter where you go, a great many people have their own perceptions and they are a true varietous bunch. If you find that during conversation there is a lack of depth, self-involvement, or definition in a person's speech; that person may have a condition of dissociative disorder. It means that they don't have a true sense of self or self-worth and thus treat everything around them the same way enemy and friend alike. Respect is thereby lost to obscurity as well. And that too contributes to my lack of female relationships as well. Which brings me back to inactivity vs activity. Here's my metaphor for that and how similar it sounds as well to a biblical sense.
Activity = Fire
Inactivity = Coal
Which do you prefer, becoming fire or being consumed by fire?
If you wish to escape fire, embrace fire.
If you wish to embrace fire, escape fire.
If you wish to embrace light, escape light.
If you wish to escape light, embrace light.
If you wish to escape darkness, embrace darkness.
If you wish to embrace darkness, escape darkness.
Of these six metaphors, you might think that they are obscure just as I am and as so they should for they apply to everything and thereby lack definition. What I mean by these are as so:
Fire is an active element, to become fire means to exist and grow as an active element.
Coal is an inactive element, to become coal means to exist and be consumed by active elements such as fire.
If we think of light as awareness and the sun at the same time, some people might not understand, but the other angle is that darkness is that of the unknown and of ignorance.
So, to escape ignorance, embrace ignorance; meaning to experience ignorant or unknown actions to learn and grow.
Since light is stated above as sun and awareness, here is how it appears to me. If you try to analyze what self-awareness directly all that appears is emptiness and lack of understanding which is the opposite of self-awareness and sun. Yet if you were to peer into that very light from the sun you would go blind from its ever intense radiating light. I have looked directly into the sun. Would you like to know what I saw? I saw everything else grow dark around it and I wasn't able to see anything else but that perfectly round circle of light shimmering in the distance. When I closed and opened my eyes later I could see a reflection of the sun left as an imprint for quite a while and thus that imprint was a distraction from everything else that was happening around me. So, the axiom of my statements has a valid potential to become a paradox and thereby serve whatever truth you may wish to derive from it. Afterall, what is so wrong with turning something to your advantage especially if it promotes self-respect? Find out for yourself what you believe is true or false, for it matters not to anyone else except you and those that care about you. Best wishes to you.