The Phantom Shitter

We were at the beach one weekend, at my parents beach house. Me, dave and kevin are dicking around as usual and dave and I split up from kevin cause he wanted to go try and hook up with a girl or some stupid thing. It of course doesn't work out too well for him. So we're all meeting back at my rents beach house at like 5pm or something. When we get home around 5, he's there waiting outside the house cause we had the key and it looks like he's been there for at least a little bit. So we're all getting ready to go out for the evening as we're leaving for the restaurant and are all standing outside and I notice something on the ground in the outdoor shower ...

I move over toward it and get a closer look. The asshole took a crap in the outside shower!! We blamed him for it and he denied it, over and over, but noone else was there, and even animals don't crap in the shower.


He became known as the phantom shitter.

He denies it was him, and there was always the chance it wasn't.

But then...

One night he was staying at Rick's house. It was just Rick, Rick's girlfriend, and Kevin. They were all getting fucked up. Kevin admits he was very fucked up. At some point Rick and his girlfriend retire to the bedroom for the night. When they wake up, and go into the living room, they see a disturbing sight. Kevin is laying on the couch, about ten feet from the bathroom. Right in between the couch and the bathroom is a folding chair. Sitting on that folding chair, about 5 feet from a passed out Kevin, is a large piece of shit.

The phantom shitter had returned.

He again denies that, but not as hard, since this time, he was the only one in the room. And after that, he lost any credibility in denying what happened at the beach house. He is definitely the phantom shitter. Don't let him sleep over!!

Last year, somebody shit in our dorm shower. Not just on the floor-- this was all over the shower walls and everything. It really could've been anyone in the building, the way the building is set up.

We dubbed him the Unashitter.

who the fuck says "rents" outside of teenage girl magazines
which I have never read

I have also occasionally seen someone else's shit.

Some unknown guy in my freshman dorm managed to drop a turd perfectly snug into a bathroom corner.

We dubbed him the Cornershitter.

I'm eagerly waiting for the phantom to come and do some thread shitting in the first page.

When I was in high school a bunch of friends and I went swimming at the local YMCA. While we were in the locker room changing there was a retarded kid that also went to my high school in there changing. I was polite to him and said whats up and went about my business. I then noticed that it smelled like shit and made a comment about how someone must have taken a power shit a little while. we all hurried up and finished changing since it smelled horrible in the locker room then met up with the girls we were with and started swimming. About 20 minutes into our swim we were hanging out in the shallow end and I noticed something on the bottom of the pool. I pointed it out to everyone and we all looked at it and wondered what the hell it was. Granted at this point I had forgotten all about the shitty smell in the locker room. I then proceeded to touch it with my toe and when I did I felt it smoosh. It then made complete sense to me. I had stuck my toe in retard shit, and that kid was in there changing because he had shit his pants while swimming

I was going to a liberal arts college in upstate New York, and someone wrote the word "Nigger" on the wall in one of the film building's bathrooms. They wrote it on the wall with their own shit, which they had apparently picked up and smeared all over the wall. They shit the rest directly onto the bathroom floor. Outside of a stall.
A friend of mine was a student proctor of the film labs, and found it during lunch time.
They hadn't broken in to the building at night or anything, it happened sometime during class hours. Which makes it more creepy.
Because the bathroom shared a floor with a black professor's office, people immediately started discussing whether it was a racially motivated "hate crime" or not.
As far as I am concerned, if someone is writing anything on walls with their own shit, their motivations are more bizarre than racism.

I'd be shitting up this thread right now if it weren't for the fact that people might be able to figure out it's me.

That's funny because at my job during the graveyard shift someone shits on the floor and rubs it on the wall of the stalls. They too have been dubbed "the Phantom Shitter."

My friend calls me with the following story 3 weeks ago ...

5 of my friends live in this house they rent, all 5 of them work and my friend and this other dude were the last ones to leave but they left together. When my friend Tristan got back he found on the carpet of the upstairs bathroom, a nice big J shaped log of shit. Now my friends house is like the party house of the neighborhood so there's like a possibility of 30 something people who could have just walked inside in the middle of the day and plopped a poop on that carpet then left.

But the question is who walked into his house, plopped on the carpet, and left?

Nobody has fessed up to it yet

At one of the high schools I attended we had something similar happen in the girls restroom, twice. I forget what all the words were written on the walls, but I'm positive sex was one of them, and faggot was another. I never saw the shit-writings, but several other gals did before reporting it (both times).

I guess shit writing on walls is more prevalent than I would have thought

One time in highschool, I was in the locker room getting changed for track practice. I went to take a piss, but the urinal was being used, so I went into the stall. Now, this particular shit was in the toilet. However, if it was an inch, it was easily 2ft long. It curved around the bowl and was roughly as thick as my forearm, I shit you not. Honestly, it was so large I had to run out of the bathroom and get other people to witness it. I just wish I had a camera.

When I worked for the government in a big secured building downtown, someone would periodically come into a random bathroom stall and spray the walls with shit at waist height.

I have no idea how they did it and they were never caught. It looked like they'd loaded up a supersoaker with shit, then spun in a circle while pulling the trigger.

Someone at my buddies residence took a shit in the common room microwave. Yeah, it was cooked.

Apparently the smell is still there (this happened a few weeks ago)

One time I was at a friend's party and someone took a shit in the bathroom sink. The rest of the night pretty much consisted of every person at the party accusing everyone else of being the sink shitter.

I was surveying a school in a fairly dodgy town nearby, last day of term before the summer holidays, we get to the drama studio and bang in the centre of a 100 metre square meter room is a epic pile of shit ... I mean this is more than 2 of 3 peoples worth.

The teacher just shrugged and said 'oh they get a bit overexcited before holidays'

I'm guessing this is a fairly regular thing at this school.

When I was around 10-years old my parents had a pretty big house with a pool. One day during the summer, myself, K, and J were all swimming in my pool. J had been in the deep end for a few minutes, just kind of treading water there, when I decide to swim underwater. I had one of those masks on so I could see, and I noticed a brown log falling from J's shorts. I resurfaced, told K, and we both looked again. Now the shit was just hitting the bottom of the pool. The two of us immediately got out, and told J we were going to go inside and would see him later (J's house was behind mine). After he was back at his place, K and I went back out to the pool to fish out the deuce with one of those nets used to remove leaves. Upon further inspection it was definitely a piece of crap. I flung it as far away as possible, and no one wanted to go into my pool for a while. Upon confronting J about this, he claimed "It was a leaf!" No one believed him, and everyone we told this story to decided to call J the 'Pool Shitter.' We would give him a hard time about it until we all graduated high school and went out separate ways.

Also, one of my best friend's cousin's told him that shit "taste bitter."

When I was in college there was this dude that took a shit so intensly large that the campus police, police taped the stall so people couldn't be knock out by the sight of it.

The thing was one of those arm sized turds. People took pictures of it and if you left your door open someone would most likely change your desktop to that very shit.

This happened twice is was pretty awesome. Also, no one did figure out who could pass such a thing and no one claimed it.

i found shit smeared on the ceiling of public toilet once.

although i reckon it's worse finding (and stepping) into random puke puddles.

rofl
I shat in a chocolate cake. :)