I'm too ugly to live

how can i make myself apathetic to this painful fact?

Do something that makes up for your "ugliness". Besides, your being irrationally critical on yourself possibly from what someone else said. If your that weak minded, you deserve to kill yourself. Instead, why don't you grow some balls for once in your life and try to better yourself, instead of making some irrational excuse for your failures. You don't win if you don't practice, idiot.