>>3
I think you've hit the vein on that last one. If you were an FBI agent, wouldn't YOU prefer to surf 4chan, lookin' for pointless threats and CP, instead of chasing armed madmen? (Remember, if you're investigating CP, you get to see all the loli you'd ever want. Score!) The FBI must be here since it's easy to generate a lot of threat and CP reports, while enjoying the lulz.
EVERYONE WINS.
So:
Dear FBI:
HAI GAIS! CP FUREVAR! BLOW SUM SHEEOT UP!
\signed\
RedCream