Name: Alex 2007-10-24 23:46
I've been thinking a lot lately. Deep thinking, just about the whole situation. And I have found myself asking the same questions over and over again: Can one truly know others? Can others truly know you? Can one truly know oneself? I ask myself this as I think about what has happened over the last few days. I ask myself these questions in light of what has occurred in the last few days. In one word: intentions. What are our intentions? How can I really know what Kayla is thinking? Maybe she really does see me as a man instead of a brother. What am I thinking? Maybe it's all in my imagination? What if she is having the same thoughts? Maybe she hasn't made a major move yet because she doesn't know that I think of her this way. And even if I told her, would that really close the gap, or would it make it wider? All of society has been guess and check with human relations. In trusting your beliefs in other people, many a success has been made... however, each success overshadows an opposite, yet equally great failure. A few people have told me to just break it off, and some people have told me to just jump right into it. Some people say to wait and see what happens. Some say that you will never know what you had until you have lost it. These are the cries of a man who is falling apart at the seams. I now realize that there is no easy answer to this whole problem. Just because of my personality, I have chosen to wait and see where everything goes... but I take this option full well knowing that this could easily go wrong in any direction. Sorry to bore you with philosophy. I just wanted to let you know what I thought so that you may take a little more consideration in your comments.
I came home a little late today, so Kayla got home before me. She was actually at her friends house for awhile, and she got home at about 6 only to go straight to her room. I was a little disappointed that she didn't even bother to say hello to me. But I'm pretty sure that I know why now. A little while after going upstairs, she came downstairs wearing something I have never seen her wear before: a mini-shirt. She was wearing a red mini-skirt with a baby-t that I had never seen before (no doubt she got both from her friend). I could tell she was uncomfortable in it because she was shifting around in it a lot, but I think there may have been more to that because it was always in front of me while I was watching TV. A little while later, she sat in front of me on the floor (indian-style) and asked me to tell her about my day. She just sat there listening to me with a smile on her face as she shifted around. It was really hard for me to keep eye contact with her. I just kept my eyes wandering around the room, occasionally (but not conscientiously) landing on her. If she noticed, she showed no sign. I finally got to asking her why she was wearing a miniskirt. She said, "Oh, I was just trying to get the attention of this boy I liked at school today. My friend suggested it."
I knew almost immidiately that this was a lie (or a hidden message). As I've said before, I not only have Spanish class with with Kayla, I also saw her come in from her friends house. I do give some credit: It was cold out, so maybe she changed in the hours I didn't see her and changed back before she got home. But something about the way that she said it screamed, "lie". Remember, I've lived with her about all my life, and have learned when to catch these things. That's when she stood up and asked, "Do you think it looks good on me?" I finally gave a full body check with my eyes. She was smokin. Whoever it was she was trying to catch, this skirt could very easily capture him. How did I go about telling her this? I shrugged my shoulders and said, "It looks nice." Subtle enough?
I needed to go to the bathroom at this time, so I began walking upstairs. She got in front of me with a pair of gym shorts and began walking up to her room. That's when she "accidentally" dropped the pants half way up the stairs. I have seen enough television to know about the panty shot, but Kayla may have very well reinvented it, accident or not. As she bent over to pick them back up, I couldn't help but stare. It was truly amazing. I was already below her as it was because of the stairs, but I found she was also not wearing panties of any kind. I could see everything. But instead of paying attention to the fact that she was giving me a full view, she just sifted through her pants pockets, still bent in that position. I'd say the whole event was about 5 seconds, but never before in my life have I gotten so hard, so fast. She finally got back up, and finished her way up the stairs. I just went back down on the couch to just lay there, wondering if it was just her not being used to a skirt, or her trying to get my attention. Under normal circumstances, I'd say the first one, but with all the shit that's happened to me the last few days, I don't even know any more. Hell, I say that as if I even knew in the first place. Whatever.
I came home a little late today, so Kayla got home before me. She was actually at her friends house for awhile, and she got home at about 6 only to go straight to her room. I was a little disappointed that she didn't even bother to say hello to me. But I'm pretty sure that I know why now. A little while after going upstairs, she came downstairs wearing something I have never seen her wear before: a mini-shirt. She was wearing a red mini-skirt with a baby-t that I had never seen before (no doubt she got both from her friend). I could tell she was uncomfortable in it because she was shifting around in it a lot, but I think there may have been more to that because it was always in front of me while I was watching TV. A little while later, she sat in front of me on the floor (indian-style) and asked me to tell her about my day. She just sat there listening to me with a smile on her face as she shifted around. It was really hard for me to keep eye contact with her. I just kept my eyes wandering around the room, occasionally (but not conscientiously) landing on her. If she noticed, she showed no sign. I finally got to asking her why she was wearing a miniskirt. She said, "Oh, I was just trying to get the attention of this boy I liked at school today. My friend suggested it."
I knew almost immidiately that this was a lie (or a hidden message). As I've said before, I not only have Spanish class with with Kayla, I also saw her come in from her friends house. I do give some credit: It was cold out, so maybe she changed in the hours I didn't see her and changed back before she got home. But something about the way that she said it screamed, "lie". Remember, I've lived with her about all my life, and have learned when to catch these things. That's when she stood up and asked, "Do you think it looks good on me?" I finally gave a full body check with my eyes. She was smokin. Whoever it was she was trying to catch, this skirt could very easily capture him. How did I go about telling her this? I shrugged my shoulders and said, "It looks nice." Subtle enough?
I needed to go to the bathroom at this time, so I began walking upstairs. She got in front of me with a pair of gym shorts and began walking up to her room. That's when she "accidentally" dropped the pants half way up the stairs. I have seen enough television to know about the panty shot, but Kayla may have very well reinvented it, accident or not. As she bent over to pick them back up, I couldn't help but stare. It was truly amazing. I was already below her as it was because of the stairs, but I found she was also not wearing panties of any kind. I could see everything. But instead of paying attention to the fact that she was giving me a full view, she just sifted through her pants pockets, still bent in that position. I'd say the whole event was about 5 seconds, but never before in my life have I gotten so hard, so fast. She finally got back up, and finished her way up the stairs. I just went back down on the couch to just lay there, wondering if it was just her not being used to a skirt, or her trying to get my attention. Under normal circumstances, I'd say the first one, but with all the shit that's happened to me the last few days, I don't even know any more. Hell, I say that as if I even knew in the first place. Whatever.