dont really know or understand at all.

I am worried that things are begining to fall apart inside of my head. I HATE my birthday. I am having such mixed emotions right now. There is a part of me that wants to die, a part that wants to cut, a part of me that wants to live. I don't know which part to listen to.
I did something really dumb earlier today. I had told someone that if they cut on themselves then I was going to cut. He did it today. So, (I don't even understand why) I cut on my leg. Not much, just enough to see blood. I didn't and don't plan on telling him that I did it. I'm not even sure why I felt compelled to do it myself.