romantic love in this life

I can definitely relate to you. Like you, I am also in my mid 20’s, have never had a girlfriend, and never even been kissed…. And like you, I also feel both happiness and sorrow when thinking of or being around lovely ladies. I feel happiness when I think about what my life would be like if I did not suffer from chronic health problems and chronic avoidant personality disorder. If I didn’t have these physical/psychological problems, I might actually have a chance at experiencing romantic love.

However, when I think about the way things are and the way they most likely will be, I want to jump off a bridge. The only reason I’m still here is because I’m religious and I’m stupidly optimistic. I foolishly believe that my physical and psychological problems might some day go away, and; as a result, I would be able to experience romantic love in this life. I say stupidly optimistic because I have no reason to believe my physical/psychological problems will improve, yet I still hope.

I've tried for many years to be happy with living a life without romantic love; however, it seems that the harder I try to accept social isolation, the more my heart yearns for the love and affection that only a lovely lady can provide. The older I grow the more my heart hurts. I desperately want to believe there is a God because I have to believe there is more to human existence than this painful/lonely/heart-ached hell called earth.

I suffer from seemingly incurable physical/psychological problems; as a result, I do not deserve to be loved by a lovely lady. Although it is true that a lovely lady may be willing to accept my flaws, I could never allow myself to be a burden. I want to be the ultimate blessing in a ladies life, not a burden. As long as I suffer from severe chronic pain and avoidant personality disorder, I don’t see how I could be anything but a burden. I’m simply not good enough to be with the kinds of ladies I desire.