Name: Anonymous 2007-09-01 11:43 ID:vHsZ3oSJ
I really, really hate how I feel all the time. Everyday I feel depressed about simple tasks. This feeling has been going on for years and I don't know how to break it. What is the point in going on if I feel terrible everyday?
I'm an 18 year old college freshman in my second semester. I hate going to class and sometimes skip it because I feel it's pointless. My major is mechanical engineering, and I absolutely dread it. I basically went into it because my family is full of engineers and they'd be pissed if I didn't pursue it. I only said I would do it to appease my family. Now I realize what a big mistake I've made. If I told my parents about it, they'd get really mad and probably withdraw helping me with schooling. I mean, I've already wasted a year on a major I don't want. I feel like such a failure. I never even try to my full potential in school because it seems pointless. If I wanted to, I could easily be a 4.0 student.
And oh yeah, I have no friends. Haven't had any since grade school. I've been a loner since high school and it hasn't changed. I just can't relate to people my age. Like if someone introduces themselves, I will say my name back and it's nice to meet you, but I can't small talk.
I have a terrible relationship with my family. I get along with my parents and siblings, but we aren't close. I can't just talk to them about anything. My extended family doesn't even feel like family to me. I'm shy around them and I shelter myself.
While I was sitting in class today all I could think about was a way to end it all quickly. I thought about pills, but that would take awhile. Then maybe jumping off a bridge. I thought about a way to do it without making it look like a suicide. Maybe driving off a bridge would work. I just can't go on anymore.
I don't know why I'm posting this. Maybe I just needed to rant and get it out of me. I've kept all this inside me for so long that I'm almost in tears right now.
I'm an 18 year old college freshman in my second semester. I hate going to class and sometimes skip it because I feel it's pointless. My major is mechanical engineering, and I absolutely dread it. I basically went into it because my family is full of engineers and they'd be pissed if I didn't pursue it. I only said I would do it to appease my family. Now I realize what a big mistake I've made. If I told my parents about it, they'd get really mad and probably withdraw helping me with schooling. I mean, I've already wasted a year on a major I don't want. I feel like such a failure. I never even try to my full potential in school because it seems pointless. If I wanted to, I could easily be a 4.0 student.
And oh yeah, I have no friends. Haven't had any since grade school. I've been a loner since high school and it hasn't changed. I just can't relate to people my age. Like if someone introduces themselves, I will say my name back and it's nice to meet you, but I can't small talk.
I have a terrible relationship with my family. I get along with my parents and siblings, but we aren't close. I can't just talk to them about anything. My extended family doesn't even feel like family to me. I'm shy around them and I shelter myself.
While I was sitting in class today all I could think about was a way to end it all quickly. I thought about pills, but that would take awhile. Then maybe jumping off a bridge. I thought about a way to do it without making it look like a suicide. Maybe driving off a bridge would work. I just can't go on anymore.
I don't know why I'm posting this. Maybe I just needed to rant and get it out of me. I've kept all this inside me for so long that I'm almost in tears right now.