Name: Anonymous 2007-08-31 8:09 ID:CRdCSk4R
i am so stressed..
i've been a cutter for six years..
and a heavy.. severe cutter for almost three of them. i have had my bought with drugs.. and alcohol.. but neither stuck. only cutting has stayed with me all these years.
im only eighteen. but i feel thirty.
i have a ton of responsibilities.. and i get credit for none of my troubles..
i work a parttime job.. where i work my tail off and are LUCKY to bring home a hundred dollars a week.
i am doing my absolute best to pass highschool because i want more than anything to make something of myself.
im on and off involved in a somewhat.. abusive relationship. but i wont get into that.
i have the self image from hell. i cant look in a mirror without getting sick these days.
i am the scapegoat for all my friends. i listen.. and help.. and counsel.. and give advice.. and do whatever i can to make them feel wanted/loved/or just plain get a smile.
but none of them will return the favour. ever.
i just want someone to listen.. someone to talk to.
i know i could stop turning to hurting myself to release emotion.. if i just could talk.. to someone..
i keep trying to stop cutting.
i am trying hard.
ive gone three months at a time.. before going right back.
but i get in these moods.. like now..
and all i want to to cut. and i feel like crying but i cant.. and i want to cut and just make that horrible feeling go away.
i just wanna be better.
and be okay.
im sick of stitches and emergency rooms..
im sick of wanting to die.
im sick of not having anyone.
i just wanna be okay.
i just want someone to hear me..
i've been a cutter for six years..
and a heavy.. severe cutter for almost three of them. i have had my bought with drugs.. and alcohol.. but neither stuck. only cutting has stayed with me all these years.
im only eighteen. but i feel thirty.
i have a ton of responsibilities.. and i get credit for none of my troubles..
i work a parttime job.. where i work my tail off and are LUCKY to bring home a hundred dollars a week.
i am doing my absolute best to pass highschool because i want more than anything to make something of myself.
im on and off involved in a somewhat.. abusive relationship. but i wont get into that.
i have the self image from hell. i cant look in a mirror without getting sick these days.
i am the scapegoat for all my friends. i listen.. and help.. and counsel.. and give advice.. and do whatever i can to make them feel wanted/loved/or just plain get a smile.
but none of them will return the favour. ever.
i just want someone to listen.. someone to talk to.
i know i could stop turning to hurting myself to release emotion.. if i just could talk.. to someone..
i keep trying to stop cutting.
i am trying hard.
ive gone three months at a time.. before going right back.
but i get in these moods.. like now..
and all i want to to cut. and i feel like crying but i cant.. and i want to cut and just make that horrible feeling go away.
i just wanna be better.
and be okay.
im sick of stitches and emergency rooms..
im sick of wanting to die.
im sick of not having anyone.
i just wanna be okay.
i just want someone to hear me..