I'm so tired of hurting

I'm 27 and my gf is 27. We were together for 3 years and broke up late last year. I wanted her back for so long and she pushed me away so much. So early this year I gave up and thought I'd move on. Then I find out she wants me back and would do anything to have me. We saw each other a bit but I said i wasnt sure. Why? because thats what i do.. i make dumb decisions. I never meant to hurt her emotionally but i kept pushing her away for so long. I wanted her. Deep in my heart I wanted her. I love her but i was stupid and didnt take her back. Then she stopped caring. No more emails no more phone calls or sms. Just nothing. She said she had given up. I knew then I should have done something special to get her back but I stalled. Now she is away over seas until July. She wont even talk to me. I want her back so badly. I love her. I am hurting so {Mod Edit} badly. I've never ever felt so bad. I feel bad for pushing her away. I read emails from her pleading for me to give us another chance and I did nothing. I feel so bad. I want her. She wont even talk to me. if she does reply she tells me to move on. I am so unhappy. I cannot believe how much this hurts. I know her and I are right for each other. I was just stupid for not doing anything sooner. I'm sick of this pain. I just want to die! So i decided to tell my mom and she got scared. And said, "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air. I whistled for a cab and when it came near The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror If anything I could say that this cab was rare But I thought, Nah, forget it. Yo home to Bel-Air! I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 And I yelled to the cabby yo holmes smell ya later Looked at my kingdom I was finally there To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.