I'm tired of hurting

I'm 27 and my gf is 27. We were together for 3 years and broke up late last year. I wanted her back for so long and she pushed me away so much. So early this year I gave up and thought I'd move on.

Then I find out she wants me back and would do anything to have me. We saw each other a bit but I said i wasnt sure. Why? because thats what i do.. i make dumb decisions. I never meant to hurt her emotionally but i kept pushing her away for so long. I wanted her. Deep in my heart I wanted her. I love her but i was stupid and didnt take her back.

Then she stopped caring. No more emails no more phone calls or sms. Just nothing. She said she had given up. I knew then I should have done something special to get her back but I stalled. Now she is away over seas until July. She wont even talk to me. I want her back so badly. I love her.

I am hurting so {Mod Edit} badly. I've never ever felt so bad. I feel bad for pushing her away. I read emails from her pleading for me to give us another chance and I did nothing. I feel so bad.

I want her. She wont even talk to me. if she does reply she tells me to move on. I am so unhappy. I cannot believe how much this hurts. I know her and I are right for each other. I was just stupid for not doing anything sooner.

I'm sick of this pain. I just want to die

is that wrong? I just sit here and wish something would happen where I die. Just so i dont have to feel this pain anymore. Am I a bad person?

I am sorry i pushed her away so much. I truely am. I just wish she'd talk to me and see that I'm sorry.

I just want to die

xD