Name: Anonymous 2007-08-30 6:22 ID:ePtCnKWo
This isn't the first time I've contemplated ending it all. When I was 15, I first thought about killing myself. When I was 18, I downed my first bottle of Vodka in one go in a youthful & naive attempt to kill myself off... Turned out, it just made me vomit. LOL. When I was 21, I wanted out yet again. My 21st birthday was spent alone, in tears.
Now I'm here again. No way out. Blackness surrounds me. The mirror constantly reminds me of the disgusting thing that I am... Inside and out. Ugly... pre-occupied geek... who's more concerned with the way he looks than his friends' needs.
What's stopping me driving my car off the edge of a cliff? What stopped me ending it all in the past? I don't know exactly. Maybe there's always been some glimmer of hope. But each year, it becomes fainter.
What would any pretty girl even want with a depressed 'emo'-type freak like me? Even if I was beautiful... but I'm not. I'm just the quiet, ugly guy in the crowd. I don't have a voice any more, I just let everyone else get on with what they're talking about and mope in the corner of the room, staring into my glass... thinking... thinking about how things could be different if I was a beautiful looking guy.
Perhaps everything people say about being confident is true. I even believed it, and experienced the chain reaction myself once. I was confident for a short while. And these great-looking girls would practically stare me down, smiling at me... For that moment, I felt confident. Maybe it's all true. Maybe the reason these girls liked the fact I was confident. Ugly, but confident.
But either way, now it's gone. I don't have any self-respect or self-confidence an more. All I see in the reflection is the ugly guy again. Not an ugly guy who likes himself, just an ugly guy.
What's the point? I'm unattractive, that's all there is to it. I'll never perfectly fit in. I'll always be sub-par in the looks department. I'm so vile...
Now I'm here again. No way out. Blackness surrounds me. The mirror constantly reminds me of the disgusting thing that I am... Inside and out. Ugly... pre-occupied geek... who's more concerned with the way he looks than his friends' needs.
What's stopping me driving my car off the edge of a cliff? What stopped me ending it all in the past? I don't know exactly. Maybe there's always been some glimmer of hope. But each year, it becomes fainter.
What would any pretty girl even want with a depressed 'emo'-type freak like me? Even if I was beautiful... but I'm not. I'm just the quiet, ugly guy in the crowd. I don't have a voice any more, I just let everyone else get on with what they're talking about and mope in the corner of the room, staring into my glass... thinking... thinking about how things could be different if I was a beautiful looking guy.
Perhaps everything people say about being confident is true. I even believed it, and experienced the chain reaction myself once. I was confident for a short while. And these great-looking girls would practically stare me down, smiling at me... For that moment, I felt confident. Maybe it's all true. Maybe the reason these girls liked the fact I was confident. Ugly, but confident.
But either way, now it's gone. I don't have any self-respect or self-confidence an more. All I see in the reflection is the ugly guy again. Not an ugly guy who likes himself, just an ugly guy.
What's the point? I'm unattractive, that's all there is to it. I'll never perfectly fit in. I'll always be sub-par in the looks department. I'm so vile...