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█ PUBLIC MESSAGE ALERT AGAINST COCKMONSTERS █
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THE GENERAL PUBLIC AS WELL AS LAW ENFORCEMENT
ARE ADVISED TO BE WATCHFUL FOR A COCKMONSTER
KNOWN AS CHRISTOPHER LOGAN HANSSEN, AMONG OTHER
ALIASES. HE IS NOT TO BE APPROACHED LEST YOUR
COCK BE ASSAULTED BY HIM. REFER CHRISTOPHER
LOGAN HANSSEN TO THE APPROPRIATE AUTHORITIES
UPON SIGHT. FURTHER ALERTS WILL BE ISSUED WHEN
HIS MOVEMENTS ARE CONFIRMED.