I've gotten really depressed

Okay I don't know why, but I've just gotten really, really depressed, and I think need to just get some stuff out. I'd write this in my own private diary but I know that'd still feel too private like I may as well not bother, and this is stuff that I really need to get out in the open and this is the only place I can do that. So... bear with me. Some of this may some a little weird or extreme or creepy or sad or just plain stupid or whatever, but just bear with me on this one, please. Even if nobody relies to this or if people think I'm even weirder then before after this, I know it'll do me good to write this stuff down where other people other than myself can see it. So just humour me for abit, okay?

- First thing I have to admit is that really, I'm even more of a scaredy-cat then anyone really knows. This is something I've always tried to admit to but never been able to. It's something random but here goes. You know how Sadako scares the shit out of me, and how SH4 creeped me out so much I had to take it back to the shop? Well, really that's nothing. I know people already think I'm a wimp but truth is, I'm way more of a wimp then anyone thinks. Hell I still sleep with the light on and check under my bed every night and I sitll refse to have a proper closest in case of monsters. Childish and sad I know but it's true, and something I've been meaning to get out for ages. Anyway, there it is. I have all the bravery of a 4 year old.
- Amy Lee. I think this is the hardest thing I've ever admitted to, or even tried to admit to. I know people already think I'm obsessed with Evanescence and especially Amy. Truth is... well I don't really know how to say this. I guess really, I think I need to go into help or something for this. It's hard for me to say this but I'm a lot more obsessed then anyone knows. Specifically with Amy. Sounds creepy but 99.99% of my time is spent thinking about, listening to, reading about, looking at or talking about her. I don't mean Ev in general, I mean her specifically.I know it's creepy and stupid and sad and it freaks myself out, and I really want to stop it. I don't know what else to say really. I'm a creepy obsessed freak. Like I said, I want to stop it, really I do. I don't know how though. If anyone has anything to say, even just insults, well, that'd be a start.
- You know, I have zero friends. Nada. None. At all. I've talked about 'sort of' friends in the past but I can't really call them friends, they're just people that bug me and won't go away. Guess I've just never been that good with people. Not much I can do about that but there it is. I am officially a total loner. Go me.
- I'm the world's biggest hypocrite. There I am, short while ago complaining about people who just bitch on LiveJournal about how crappy their life is. Well now look what I'm doing here. Almost everything I say is crappy in the world, I'm guilty of 75% of those things. I dunno why I'm like that. I just am. Probably something to do with me trying to not hate myself so I take my hate and angst out on others or something. I dunno. Sounds like something a teacher or parent would say or something. See, this is why I have no friends.
- I really wish I'd never left school now. I've never admitted that to anyone before but it's true. I think, maybe if I hadn't left so early, I'd actually have a reasonable stab at something. But no. I left school early, and now I have nothing. Great that is. When I first left, I guess I kinda tricked myself into thinking everything would work out fine. Two and a half years later, and all that's happened is this computer has gotten a tiny bit slower. That's it. Nothing has worked out. I've just gotten worse, now I have no hope left for anything. I'm kicking myself now for leaving.



Feeling a bit better now. Anyway, I'm just happy I finally got all that out. If anyone has any comments or insults... well I'd rather you talked to me on MSN or something. I feel kinda stupid, being yet another one of those people that writes about all their problems and how depressed they are on an internet blog, so I think I'll just stop there.
If you've read this, thank you.

First, a few basics. Even Dr. Phil says "You can't change what you don't acknowledge." Alcoholics Anonymous and psychologists agree, admitting you have a problem is the first step. So you're only that far, at the beginning.

People run into problems like yours because they get comfortable in their life, even if they dislike it, or know full well they need to and want to change. Comfort beats out almost everything else.

Being depressed is a lack of working on a problem, so start thinking less of how you feel and more of what you are going to do next. One little bit at a time. Focus on making any small progress you can and that'll make the next parts easier. Also, if people notice or call you a hypocrite for anything you say or do, ignore them. You ARE changing, so you can use their own way of thinking against them--they care more about what you ARE doing, than what you are TRYING to do. So, when you're finally done, tell them "That's all in my past," and they'll probably leave you alone about it.

Now, point by point.
-Fear. You can conquer it slowly. Takes effort, so work at filling the existing ideas of fear with new ones. I personally think of how I'd beat the shit out of some monster or person who's hiding in the dark trying to scare me. [b]Replacing/b] an emotion or memory is extremely affective. The reasons why are mostly besides the point for now.

-Amy. Focus on a new friend you get, a video game, a hobby, girlfriend, whatever. Just give yourself something better to think about, or just revel in the fun you get from it when it's your own personal time and leave it there. We're allowed to have fun to ourselves, even if it's ridiculous.
Eventually these things tend to die out on their own or once again, get replaced with something new.

-Friends. Like most people will say, you need to go places where people are. Having little experience with it makes it hard, like anything new. The more you practice, the easier it becomes. Sounds too simple, but it's actually true. Another key factor in this is to not think of what you will do or say, but just act without thinking, have fun as you like to, and see whoever you get along with. Anyone you don't just move on. A comparison might be food or TV shows. Just choose whatever you like and forget about the rest.

More thoughts after I finish dinner.

Part two, hurray. Okay, so admitting crap like this on the internet ins't a big deal. If people hate it, so what. We grow up and learn  as we grow up. Many adults and old people claim that they "finally understood themselves" by the time they were in their 60's. And when you look back on what you did as a teen... heh, it's all part of "growing up."

When you get where you want to be you'll just be glad it's over. But regarding school, did you finish grade 12? If not, you can take it again with stuff called a G.E.D. and other options. Look into them, and get it over with. Better right now than next month. If it's college on the other hand, keep trying to get back into it. I never would have gotten into my classes if I didn't pester my teachers. And that goes for most other things too. Life will get worse unless you grab it and beat it into submission and make it go your way.

You can be gentle too though, just sayin', it takes work on your part to make it listen. Tactfully, or brutally, take control. It's up to you. The natural order of "Life/Nature" and society is to look out for themselves and trample you underfoot.

Finally, a lesson in manliness. Don't take offense at this, rather see it as "Try this cool move next time you play the game, it rocks."

When you feel like you have something to hide, something that you don't like about yourself/your way of thinking, remind yourself of how you've grown beyond being at teenager. You think of yourself as an adult now, right? Think of yourself as a man--tough, proud and striving for honor, glory, 1st place, many wives, whatever the hell it is you want. Confidence in yourself takes time, but once you get it, it's seriously awesome, and people will notice it.

Stop worrying about how something sounds. I got advice from a fantastically smart person once, and she treated me with dignity. Because of that I could just speak my mind and not worry what she thought of it. made it a HELL of a lot easier to be honest and get to the real heart of the matters. So, do the same for your writing, and for your own personal thoughts and actions. A man is a man because he says "Oh, so you saw me slip eh? I'll just have to beat you up/laugh it off/brag about it like I actually meant to do that" etc. etc. In other words he doesn't care about his mistakes because he has something to work for and will do what it takes to get it. Many times it's something shallow, but improving yourself and becoming a great man is something everyone can appreciate and admire when the end goal has been reached.

Wow.  Real advice in the /lounge/?  What the hell is this?  You quoted Dr. Phil!!

I'll add my 2 cents.  I love Hilary Duff.  It literally disgusts me.  I hate the fact that listening to her makes me happy.  I mean, I listen a lot of punk music... and Hilary Duff.  If I could, I would probably obsess about her, but I tend to obsess over more productive things (things that make me money).

Like he said, obsessions are often replaced (or you end up being a stalker or killing someone or both).

About the fear thing... I can also relate to that, somewhat.  I'm OCD, so I tend to be stuck in certain things, and although I don't have a fear, per se, it's more of an anxiety.  But every day I push myself to overcome a certain aspect of my OCD.  Now I'm a fully functional member of society.  I still have my quirks, but I'm not psycho like I used to be.  Pretty similar, I think.  You can overcome anything, if you really want to.  The key is to push yourself out of your comfort zone.

And, about the friends thing.  I've been in a situation where I've had 1 friend and where I've had a mob of friends.  I gain friends easily.  But I hate people.  I don't actually want any friends.  I have 1 best friend I've known for 22 years.  Other than that, I really don't have any friends.  I hate it when people call me or talk to me.  Yet, I love parties.  It's odd.  Anyway, what I'm saying is that friends are generally overrated.  Get that 1 good friend, and I'm sure you'll be fine.

tlong dinread

This anon really doesn't feel like reading all this shit so I'll just reply to your title. My advice would be to exercise and get some sunlight

niggers are cool

I have a friend who looks and sings just like Amy Lee.

ill hook you up kai?